Another Trip To Kinokuniya

Alex .

Shawn .

Jin Yang .

Carmen .

May Qin .

and Wei Mund .

Those are the six friends whom i have decided to go to Kinokuniya with . Or rather , invited to go along with . Frankly speaking , it wasn't just to Kinokuniya . Truth be told , I have no reason whatsoever to be going with then to Kinokuniya . Why then , do i make the journey there with the six of my friends ?

The reason is simple . It would probably be one of the last time that i would be going out with them . That is , i would be caught up with my college stuff and 3 of them are in Taylor's , one in NZ , one in Inti and another is in Sunway with me , only entering the July intake . Naturally , i was using this as an opportunity to be with them to remember them as my friends . I suck in reminiscence so this is probably the best .

We reached Kinokuniya when noon nearly struck . All of us , save Jin Yang and Carmen , rushed to the Japanese anime section to view the latest in anime releases . May Qin bought an artbook again . I merely looked at the books and wandered off somewhere else , without considering the fact to buy anything . I have this thing on buying extra reading material without first finishing the ones i have already obtained . So , naturally , i didn't have a single notion of buying books here .

I wandered around Kinokuniya and finally ended up in the engineering reference section . Looking at the amount of books they have , i selected a Physics AS-Level reference book and immediately got down to business . I read the whole AS syllabus and was surprised that i'm content with what i will be learning in 2010 . Satisfied with each other's findings , we left Kinokuniya to the Galeri Petronas , featuring the handicraft of a renowned craftsman . Wonderful work . Intricate designs . Precise accuracy and art . Bliss .

We took the monorail back to KL Sentral before making our way to Imbi , with the intention of going to LowYat , the haven of cheap original electronic appliances . Alex bought a WD 1.5TB external harddrive for a price cheaper than my 1TB WD external hard drive , Shawn and Wei Mund obtained headphones and earphones , May Qin bought a fan thingy for her sister and i got myself a Micro SD 2GB memory card for my phone . With that purchase , we headed home .

Oh , did i mention we met A.Samad Said along the way . He's a nice guy . Quite unexpected personality for one so famous . In a good sense anyway .

That concludes the experience i had . I bet the other six had more to talk about . My mind was drifting away most of the time , thinking and contemplating the troubling things in my mind . In fact , being tense was a good way to describe my emotions back then .

Still , i had my fun , even if it only lasted that day .

CCW

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

two roads diverged in a wood, and I --

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The diverging paths that separates us from one action to another . The paths that determine the next course of action . For everything that has happened , the paths influence us . We are left to think freely the moves that we make , but when it comes to making a decision , it is down to one move , the solitary judgement , that makes us .... or breaks us .

For me , i regard my daily life in a chess board . Or rather the actions that i take , i take them as piece movements in a chess board . Before making a movement , i contemplate the obvious moves , i perceive the most useful among them , i think of the consequences of executing the move , i anticipate the risk , i calculate the reactions that are bound to occur , i access the situation , i deploy the move . Everything i do , i try my best to think of the best options .

But , of course , life isn't that simple . Mistakes , errors , forced or unforced , both of it are always in our cards , whether we like it or not . We are mere humans , we are created imperfectly . We are prone to mistakes , whether we like it or not . However , as humans , we are special . We know the mistakes we make . And thus , we are able , not to avoid completely , but to minimize the mistakes made . We take it to the bare minimum , making sure it does not disrupt our work . Just as in a chessboard , mistakes are accepted , embraced , but always thought over . When we make an error , we look at it and then think of ways to overcome it . We do not overlook it .

If you are in a situation where you feel like you cannot decide upon your next move , what would you do ? If you can't move forward , what do you do ? What do you think you should do ? And then , what do you do ? Both are different . You can think about going around the obstacle , you can think of ploughing through with all your might and you can think of going back . But , when you eventually make your move , only ONE is used . Which one would it be ? A coward would go back and wait . An extremist will plough through . A thinker would continue thinking . A huge percentage of people would go around the blockage . In the end of it all , what would YOU do ?

These diverging paths become the center of thought of all humans . Do i take the left ? Do i take the right ? Do i go straight ? Which direction ought i take ? Whichever it is , the thought comes first , the actions later . Thats why , " think before you act " is a proverb which i feel as very worthwhile and excellent .

As in a chessboard , you think . You opponents think . You contemplate your move as they anticipate it . You think of the consequences of your move as they in turn think of their consequences of their move . You make your move , winding up your turn , as you pass the thinking cap to your opponent . You rethink it once the game is over , wondering to yourself .

Did i do it right ? Was it the best ?

You did what you thought was right . And yes , you tried your best .

Then again , was it really your best ?

HD

The One Step Forward

He stood silently on the patch of green that was part of his home . Or what was left of his home . The sturdy pillars that once gave strength and stability to his house was now charred and slowly burning away with the licking flames . Still , he stood ever vigilantly , his face holding a grim outlook . The house continued to burn as he stood alone in the darkness that was lighted only by the red embers that were slowly destroying his house .

He lifted his cap and looked at the sky . The unusually black sky was without stars on this very night , as though the sky was reflecting the melancholy that echoed in his heart .
With the fire still going strong , he held up a bag which he had by his side . Without a trace of emotion , he threw it into the flames . The flames dimmed slightly before emerging in an intensity as though it was delighted to have extra supply for it to burn .

His hand rummaged into his pocket and took out a locket . His right hand grasped the locket tightly as the left hand slowly adjusted his cap back into place . The shaking hands were the only outward sign that he was at least human . The locket opened and in it was a picture of a girl . A girl that to him , was beauty itself . A single tear left his eyes as he took the locket and threw it into the flames .

“ I have done what I meant to do , “ he muttered , “ The burning house , the burning of my past , the destruction of all walls that barred me . “ He said it in a monotone , as though stating the obvious . His shaking hands still gave away the fact that he was not as calm as he looked . “ Is it done then ? “ he mused aloud . “ Apparently so , “ a voice said despite nobody else being there , “ Your next path is clear for you . All conditions have been met . It’s time . “ . He nodded slowly and stared at the burning wreckage that was his house .

“ From now on , I am the wandering one . The one who is lost . The one who has to bear the sins that I myself have commited as well as those that I am associated with . No longer will I shy away from the carnage I caused . A new beginning . A new chapter to open . A new story that will be written . The future , the desire of mankind . A new start to a new life . “

“ A wonderful speech at the darkest of times . “ the voice commented dryly . He acknowledged the comment with a wave of his hand . “ The next thing to do is .. “ he said . “ Yes , “ the voice said “ the next step in life . Your move .. What will it be ? “

He stared into the endless night , the thoughts of a new beginning echoed in the depths of his mind . He breathed in the air of the night and finally turned away from the dying flames that have managed to completely destroy the traces of his life .

As he walked away from the wreckage , he thought to himself . This is my step forward , my step forward into a new life , where I start anew , where no one knows who I am , where I’m from and what I am , he thought . I am the new me . I am about to change my life into one of sorrow and melancholy .
This is my step forward . My feet refuse to back down . They won’t because they know no retreat , only to move around . Never falling back from the path , only side-stepping and going to the front . Because that is what I have become . A lost soul .

The Sentinel Of Sorrow

A poem which i wrote as i finished my Chemistry Paper 3 in 25 minutes .. and made a big mistake .. question said problem statement and i answered aim .. haihz ..

Anyway ,

The Sentinel Of Sorrow

Deep in the hallows of the darkest alley ,
Speaks the tale of the sentinel of sorrow ,
Hated by many , as he detest the merry ,
His cold chilly breeze flies through the gallows ,

He spurns tales of death and sorrow alike ,
Living in a bliss behind the cries of all ,
He drifts around seeking the bliss of night ,
When the fear and chill conquers all ,

Yet , he neither kills nor take the lives of men ,
He enjoys the living and cherishes the soul ,
He swims in the cries and fright of men ,
But leaves the pace of life at their control ,

There was never a grin or smile upon his face ,
Gaunt and haunted is the way he looks ,
He knows every scar etched on every face ,
And understands the pain as though it were a book ,

He exists for yesterday , today and tomorrow ,
Emanating chill and whispers in the gallows ,
You can search in all the deepest hallows ,
But seek never the sentinel of sorrow .

Its over .. for the moment ..

SPM has finally ended .. and yet , i'm not as happy as the rest of my other classmates who are currently feeling at the top of the world what with the release from the hellish cages of SPM ..

For me .. i kinda miss the excitement before and during the examinations .. after SPM , of course , i'm happy and relieved but part of me just won't feel that way .. The part of me who's always serious .. the part of me who only wishes to continue working and never stopping ..

Still , it is good news that SPM is over ..

The next step is A-levels in Sunway College . I'm goin for the January intake ( anybody ? ) ..

Overall , i felt that SPM was really something that we anticipate to be a hell of a fight that would leave us in pieces once its over .. here's what i actually think of SPM ..

SPM is like a fuse that can blow at any moment .. your very action and reaction will determine whether the fuse blows or is safely discharged .. But this fuse is special .. The fuse is directly straight-forward with not that many cuts and bends .. It confuses the weak but if you are smart enough , tactful enough , who is to say that you can't discharge the fuse?

SPM 2009 in my very humble opinion , was like a normal fuse ... It doesn't have too many fuses .. but a part of it was so straight-forward , you can stumble along the way .. Even things that are ultimately simple can be your worse enemy .. Kinda like what they use to say " Your biggest barrier is not the twisted winding path , but the straight path with no knowledge about its way ."

I had intended to post reviews of the papers in my blog .. but i felt it better that i do not relive the memories which some intend to bury ..

For future SPM-takers , a word of advice , never ever think that SPM is gonna be excruciatingly hard .. like i mentioned , its straight-forward .. if you know how to look at it .. i do not say this lightly but worrying too much is hazardous and you might just be making more mistakes ..

CCW

Happy Birthday To Me

I wish myself a very Happy Birthday on the day before SPM .. lol..

Happy Birthday to Alex ...

Happy Birthday to the rest of the people on this globe who happens to be borned on this day ..

Happy Birthday to me..
Happy Birthday to you ..
Happy Birthday to everybody ...
Happy Birthday to you ..

I'm feeling sentimental now .. lol ..

What with SPM in a day's time ..

CCW / HD

Lord Loss ..

Lord Loss sows all the sorrows of the world ,
Lord Loss seeds the grief-starched trees ,

In the center of the web , lowly Lord Loss bows his head .

Mangled hands, naked eyes ,
Fanged snakes his soul line ,
Curled inside like textured skin ,
Bloody curdled sheets for skin ,

In the center of the web, vile Lord Loss torments the dead .

Over strands of red , lord loss crawls ,
Dispensing pain, despising all ,
Shuns friends , nurtures foes ,
Ravages hope , breeds woe ,
Drinks moons , devours suns ,
Twirls his thumbs till the reaper comes ,

In the center of the web , lush Lord Loss is all that's left .

This is the poem of Lord Loss .. The demon of sorrow .. one who cares .. one who scares .. and one who tortures for the sake of sorrow ..

HD

Reflecting ..

Reflection..
Looking back at things ...
Thinking back about the mistakes and the actions i have taken ...
All of it...
Wishing that i had made another choice ...
Feels like i should have did something else ..
Feels like i should have made a different decision ...
Wishing that i had did the right thing ...

But...

What was the right thing?
What was the astute move ?
What was the appropriate measure that i should have taken ?
What was my mistake at that time ?

And then ..

How should i rectify it ?
How should i have seen the situation ?

What should have been my perception ?
What should i have thought ?

Maybe ..

I could have done better ..

Perhaps ..

There was another way to get through it ...

Either way ..

I know my limits ...
But i pretend to overlook it ..
I don't want the limits ..
I want to overcome those limits ...
Even if i have to sacrifice something important ..
Even if it means doing something that only i can see the benefit ..

Because ..

I'm afraid ..
Afraid that my limits will destroy me ..
Afraid that I would shy away from it ..
Scared of the consequences ..
Frightened by the possibility of failing everything ..

The words of comfort from my friends ..

They mean nothing to me at this stage ...
They are worthless ..
Not that i do not appreciate them ..
There are others controlling my life that figures the words of comfort are poisons ..
Dangerous things that can affect my performance ..

Still ..

I believe in myself ..
I believe in my friends ...
I believe that i can step forward ..

Smash the boundaries ...
Break down the barrier ...
Realize my dreams ..

After all ...

I am the Lost Soul ..
I have no place of comfort ..
Comfort to me is ..
In myself ..

And in myself ..
There is hope ...
There is the flames of determination ..

There is my very essence of life ..

Because i can ..

CCW/HD

ZzZzZz

One word ...


STRESS!!!!!!!!

Doll ( Lia & Tada Aoi )

doll
Vocals: Lia, Tada Aoi
Lyrics: Maeda Jun
Composition: Maeda Jun
Arrangement: ANANT-GARDE EYES

A doll that doesn’t have a heart
Was born from warm hands
It doesn’t laugh
It doesn’t talk, either

I want you to hear my thoughts, too, someday
They won’t become words
But I muster the extent of my strength
Because I know I’m going to live

The doll learned the meaning of the words called “thank you”
But it hasn’t used
Or said them yet

I want you to hear my thoughts, too, someday
Even if they don’t become words
I’ll muster the extent of my strength
Because I’ll tell it you: “Thank you”

Because the wind came out a bit
And pushed my back
I prepared for my journey again

I want you to hear my thoughts someday
They won’t become words
But I muster the extent of my strength
Because I’ll cry, shout, and tell them to you

If I can go to the distant sea someday
To the edge of the world’s edge
If I can make my way to such a place
I wonder how I’ll be able to feel then

doll
Vocals: Lia, Tada Aoi

Atataka na te kara umareta
Kokoro o motanai ningyou
Warau koto wa naku
Hanasu koto mo nai

Itsuka kiite hoshii kono omoi mo
Kotoba ni wa naranai kedo
Chikara no kagiri o furishibotte
Ikite iku koto o shiru kara

Ningyou wa arigatou to iu kotoba no imi o oboeta
Demo mada tsukau koto mo
Hanasu koto mo nai

Itsuka kitte hoshii kono omoi mo
Kotoba ni wa naranakute mo
Chikara no kagiri o furshibotte
Arigatou sou tsutaete iku kara

Kaze ga sukoshi dete kite
Boku no se o osu kara
Mata tabi no shitaku o suru koto ni shita n da

Itsuka kiite hoshii kono omoi o
Kotoba ni wa naranai kedo
Chikara no kagiri o furishibotte
Naite sakende tsutaeru kara

Itsuka yukeru nara tooi umi e
Sekai no hate no hate made
Sonna basho ni tadoritsuketara
Donna kimochi ni nareru no kana

Yet another song depicting the strength of Lia's vocals..

HD

Scarborough Fair

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme
Without no seams nor needlework
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to find me an acre of land
Parsley, sage, rosemary, & thyme
Between the salt water and the sea strand
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to reap it in a sickle of leather
Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme
And to gather it all in a bunch of heather
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

Lyrics sang by Tada Aoi in Gunslinger Il Teatrino and originated from Sarah Brightman

As the song states , it is a song about the Scarborough Fair .. It has a very nice melody to it ..

During the late Middle Ages the seaside town of Scarborough (now a resort) was an important venue for tradesmen from all over England. It was host to a huge 45-day trading event, starting August 15, which was exceptionally long for a fair in those times. Merchants came to it from all areas of England, Norway, Denmark, the Baltic states and the Byzantine Empire. Scarborough Fair originated from a charter granted by King Henry III of England on 22 January 1253. The charter, which gave Scarborough many privileges, stated "The Burgesses and their heirs forever may have a yearly fayre in the Borough, to continue from the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary until the Feast of St Michael next following". (On the modern Roman Catholic calendar, the equivalent dates are August 15 to September 29.) Naturally, such a large occasion attracted a lot more than just tradesmen; they needed to be entertained and fed, therefore large crowds of buyers, sellers and pleasure-seekers attended the fair. Prices were determined by ‘Supply and demand’, with goods often being exchanged through the barter system. Records show that from 1383 Scarborough’s prosperity slumped.

In the early 17th century competition from other towns' markets and fairs and increasing taxation saw further collapse of the Fair until it eventually became financially untenable. The market was revived again in the 18th century, but due to intense competition Scarborough Fair finally ended in 1788.

The traditional 'Scarborough Fair' no longer exists but a number of low-key celebrations take place every September to mark the original event. Scarborough Fair in July 2006 witnessed Medieval Jousting Competitions, hosted by English Heritage in addition to the usual attractions.

The song tells the tale of a young man, who tells the listener to ask his former lover to perform for him a series of impossible tasks, such as making him a shirt without a seam and then washing it in a dry well, adding that if she completes these tasks he will take her back. Often the song is sung as a duet, with the woman then giving her lover a series of equally impossible tasks, promising to give him his seamless shirt once he has finished.

As the versions of the ballad known under the title "Scarborough Fair" are usually limited to the exchange of these impossible tasks, many suggestions concerning the plot have been proposed, including the hypothesis that it is a song about the Plague.

As the song spread, it was adapted, modified, and rewritten to the point that dozens of versions existed by the end of the 18th century, although only a few are typically sung nowadays. The references to "Scarborough Fair" and the refrain "parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme" date to nineteenth century versions, and the refrain may have been borrowed from the ballad Riddles Wisely Expounded.

Much thought has gone into attempts to explain the refrain "parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme", although, as this is found only in relatively recent versions, there may not be much to explain. The variations thereof), which may reflect the original emphasis on the lady's chastity. Slightly younger versions often contain one of a group of related refrains:

• Sober and grave grows merry in time
• Every rose grows merry with time
• There's never a rose grows fairer with time

These are usually paired with "Once she was a true love of mine" or some variant. "Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme" may simply be an alternate rhyming refrain to the original. Folksong scholar Märta Ramsten states that folksong refrains containing enumerations of herbs — spices and medical herbs — occur in many languages, including Swedish, Danish, German, and English.

Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme may also refer to the pagan belief, that when together, can be a love charm.

HD

What must be done

"Idiot ," I muttered as he relate to me what had transpired in school , " That was very stupid of you . Aaron and Shawn were right , you know , you really are a pussy ... " I looked as he stared out at the open sky . He had returned from school with a melancholy look which immediately told me something bad had happened .

" Well , " he said " At least , i didn't need to pay in the end . Though , doubtless i was a fool to be so weak against such a thing . " He continued to gaze at the sky .

I sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder . " At least , it cleared up , " I told him " Though if it happened again and you screw it again , I'm changing your Christian name to Pussy . " He smiled at that . " Apt name , don't you think ? " I shook my head and heaved another sigh .

" You really are a soft-hearted person . It could kill you , you know ," I said . " What am i to do ? " he muttered . " That's just the way i am . Pitying other people , putting myself in trouble for the sake of others . Doing nothing for my sake . "

I looked at him and something clicked .

" Is it because of what happened 5 years ago ? " I asked . He froze . " Its noth- " he spluttered .

" No ."

I grabbed his shoulder and shook him roughly . " I thought you were over it . What the hell made you still want to atone for what you could not have avoided ?! It wasn't your fault it happened .. "

" It was , " he muttered , " Everything was my fault that day . If we had instead stayed home to clean the room , if we had not followed that route , if we had taken the normal way home , if i was strong enough , if- " He stopped as i landed a punch on his chest , stunning him .

" Enough with the Ifs , " I shouted , " The past is the past . You wanna be of use ? Stop fucking moping ! Get your act together !! " I yelled the last word as i grabbed his shirt . " Stop , " i landed a blow " being " another blow " an idiot ! " the last blow was parried as he blocked my punch and landed a punch of his own .

I was pushed back and we both stood up , eyes blazing at each other . I dropped my guard disgustedly .

" Sorry , " i muttered sullenly . " I just flew off the handle . It wouldn't happen again ."

" No , you were right . Thank you . " he smiled as he extended his hand . Shaking hands , he continued " What can i do ? What can i do for someone i care the most about ? "

I removed my hand and grabbed my bag . Before leaving , i turned back and looked at him straight in the eye .

" Its not what you can do . Its what you must do for the one you care the most about ," I said . " Remember that , and don't screw up the next time . "

With that , I took my leave . Leaving him where he was . A changed person .

HD

What's there to face ..

SPM is coming ..

It seems that i can't take my mind off the invariably major examination that will determine my future .. Whether i succeed in life , or fail all together . Thus far , I have been doing rather normal in life . Performing my duties , mixing around , moving around , going forward .

But , I have more failures than success .

I realized , as i write this , that i have encountered many things .. most of it are , to the extent , simple for me to achieve . Yet , things don't come out the way we always want .

I stumble along simple silly mistakes .. miscalculating ... making downright errors ... Errors so happily pointed out by my friends . Some of it caused by my own actions . Others occur because i do not know how to handle them .

I want it to end .

I want to be able to face the odds .. to beat the odds .. despite me being incapable in certain areas .. i will do my best ..

But is my best really .. the best ?

CCW

The Holidays

During the Deepavali holidays , i spent most of my time in front of the computer , either studying or just browsing through the net , watching anime or playing DOTA . This ends today . SPM is in 38 days and i have to get as much A+ as i can .

It is saddening for me to fall sick on one of the days in the 5-day holiday . Terrible flu . I also suffered fatigue from staying up too late for two nights in a row , something i did not expect .

I have studied Biology , Physics , Chemistry and a bit of History . Just before the hols , i went for a Sejarah camp for weaker students whereby a team of students were chosen as mentors for the weaker students . Surprisingly , i was chosen . =.=

Would you quit the mutterings ?

The students joining the camp were those who did badly in their exams and wanted an improvement . I must confess , though , i make a very bad teacher . I don't think the students under me were satisfied with the explanations i gave . You see , I didn't do well in my History exams , too . 60 marks for mid year and 80&82 for trials are just border line . I can teach Add Maths but if you ask me to teach any of the Sciences or History , you are making a bad move . =.=

I would appreciate if you stop muttering there ..

Anyway , the camp went smoothly and hopefully , we as mentors have succeeded in our jobs .

Deepavali came and went like a breeze . I went to a Dim Sum buffet lunch with my family in Holiday Villa on Sunday . Excellent food and service . RM102 , though . Ouch .

I pulled out of my entry to the Prom Night because of reasons i cannot disclose . Sorry to those that hoped to see me on the table . Ah , well .

Back to the studying .

Here are some Clannad wallpapers that i found on the net . lol .. sue me..

Furukawa/Okazaki Nagisa

Sakagami Tomoyo

Furukawa/Okazaki Nagisa

CCW

Narcissu

Of all the anime that i have , all of them have been introduced to me by Alex or Shawn . Today , however , i have managed to find an anime by myself that clearly catches my attention .The title of the anime is Narcissu , taking its name from the narcissus flower . Good news for you is that it isn't some harem anime that i have taken a liking of . Bad news for you is .................

ITS PRACTICALLY FILLED WITH MELANCHOLY THAT IT MADE ME DEPRESSED FOR QUITE A WHILE !!!

Sue me .. lol ..

The story is about a boy and a girl , aged 20 and 22 respectively , who are terminally ill and are going to die . They are warded in a 7F room where it is a room for patients with no hope of surviving . The girl is pictured as a quiet girl and has a vast knowledge on cars and navigation . The boy manages to escape from the room with the girl , Setsumi and go on a journey to Awaji Island . They pass through many hardships and finally at the island , Setsumi commits suicide by drowning herself .

A very touching story that centres around the sense of giving up hope on living and the hardships of a sick person .

Poignant ..
And what's even better .. the soundtrack has amazing instrumentals , piano arrangements and a good vocal song .

To those interested , you can just go to the Narcissu official English webstite and download the visual novel . It only comes as a visual novel . No anime was made . Here are some pictures ..

Setsumi , as she thinks of the unmoving time ..

Alternate cover


A picture with the two main characters .

Sadness fuels me ..

The touching story plus the heavenly soothing audio tracks = The Strength that resides in my body

CCW

Back To School

Its back to school tomorrow . Here i am , being the nut i usually am , hoping that it comes as quick as possible . I'm never comfortable staying at home . Probably because of certain disputes . I have a History camp in school for the next two days . Wonder what's it all about .

SPM is less than two months away . With the new grading system , it would be tougher for getting scholarships with my performance now . Gotta work harder .

Right , i can hear some of you muttering under your breath

He can't be serious !!
He got A for most of his subjects and he needs to work harder !!
Are you crazy ??!!

Sue me but i need to get a full scholarship . My family isn't well-off and i wanna go to college .
Ah well
That's all for now ..

CCW

P.S. :will write about sumthin else next time .

Blue Skies ( Aozora ) ( Air )

A rhythmic song from Air .

Blue Skies ( Aozora )- Lia

Ano umi dokomademo aokatta tooku made
Ano michi dokomademo tsuzuiteta massuguni

Ichiban hayaku sunaoni waratta monotachi
Ichiban suki na ano hito waratteru

Dare yorimo tooku ni ittemo koko kara mata waratte kureru
Hitomi o tojireba futto natsu no hi no nioi

Ano kawa asonderu futari kiri doro darake
Ano kumo otteiru todoitara shiawase to

Ichiban hayaku kono saka nobotta monotachi
Ichiban suki na ano basho mezashite

Takusan no omoide ga aru hoka ni ha nani mo iranai kurai
Hitomi o tojireba sugu ano umi no nioi

Mata natsu ga kuru gin iro ni hikaru
Minamo ni utsusu futaribun no kage

Dare yorimo tooku ni ittemo kokokara mata waratte kureru
Hitomi o tojireba futto ano hi no aozora

That sea went on forever, into the blue distance
That road went on forever, continuing straight ahead

The person who sincerely laughs first wins
The person I love most is laughing
Even if I were farther away than anyone else, would you still smile for me from here?
When I close my eyes, suddenly I can smell the scent of a summer day

Playing in that river, just the two of us, we were covered in mud
I'm chasing that cloud... if I reach it, I'll be happy

The one who runs up this hill fastest wins
Aiming for that place we like best

I have so many memories that I almost don't need anything else
When I close my eyes, soon I can smell the scent of that sea

Summer comes again, shining silver
Our shadows reflected on the surface of the water

Even if I were farther away than anyone else, would you still smile for me from here?
When I close my eyes, suddenly I can see that day's blue sky

HD

Last regrets ( Ayana ) ( Kanon )

This is the theme song for the anime Kanon which is produced by Key , the same producer for Clannad . So , i'm sure you can add 2 and 2 together . LOL .

Last regrets
Vocals: Ayana
Lyrics: Key
Composition: Key
Arrangment: Takase Kazuya

I won’t say ‘thank you’; I’ll leave it in myself forever
Goodbye, after a dream that doesn’t overshadow it, quietly lands

I forever, forever embrace the pieces pouring into my hands
And I already know the strength of laughing until the end

Good morning, waking up is blindingly bright and sad
Goodbye, our inexcusable weaknesses were fine

The common kindness in us moves around like flowers, like love
I can’t hear the quietness of the low clouds waiting for the wind anymore

I forever, forever embrace the pieces pouring into my hands
And I already know the strength of laughing until the end

I won’t cry anymore, I won’t cry anymore, I won’t cry

Last regrets
Vocals: Ayana

Arigatou iwanai yo zutto shimatte oku
Sayonara wa kagerinai yume no ato shizuka ni oritatsu

Ryoute ni wa furisosogu kakera o itsu made mo itsu made mo daite
Saigo made waratteru tsuyosa o mou shitte ita

Ohayou mezame wa mabushikute kanashii
Sayonara yurusenai boku-tachi no yowasa ga yokatta

Futari ni wa arifureta yasashisa hana no you ni koi no you ni utsurou
Hikui kumo kaze o matsu shizukesa mou kikoenai

Ryoute ni wa furisosogu kakera o itsu made mo itsu made mo daite
Saigo made waratteru tsuyosa o mou shitte ita

Mou nakanai mou nakanai nakanai

HD

Ana ( Clannad )

The reason why i'm piling up the posts is that this is probably one of the last times i can actually post something . I wouldn't have the time later .

This song by Lia is rather touching and it portrays her amazing vocal range .

But then , you may sue me . XD . The language used might not be English .. based on the grammar .. lol ..

Ana
Vocals: Lia
Lyrics: Hagiwara Yu
Composition: traditional
Arrangement: Togoshi Magome

The place changes and goes. Like a wind, like clouds.
Like the traces of the heart, no halt at the places.

The place is so far away. be far apart.
people’s hand does not reach, so merely has (the) worship.

The place is a lofty lord. can’t meet nobody put on.
We will lose the place. so lofty which changes.

Not all were desired. However, we’re never sad.
still, there is still the place. far away. far away.

(The wind) blows through the place. an endless, with all.
Like the ripple float on the water. It blows as it goes.

the place is No make at all. Nothing is shown.
Like the sand clasped by hand, It falls vainly.

The place is (a) profound lord, and wear the vain faint light.
But we will find it in the place. The hut at which it stands still.

if not concerned with all, It will maintain that No dye.
therefore there is still the hut. It’s lonely, solitary.

no halt at the wind. it soars to the sky.
Like the verdure (which) meets with sunrise, It grows up as reborn.

The hut has held new one. that’s different from all.
like the sand castle of the children, but realized with the mind.

The person is a vain statue. wear taciturnity calm.
still, We will know a huge flow. It is stopped by nobody.

soon, the wind wears the snow cloud. will be dyed to snow-white.
Summer grass will incline. No sunlight, feebly shade.

The place buried in deep snow. like the collapsing castle.
like the head of the shade. figure will be thrown away.

The hut buried in deep snow. It sinks in to the flood.
and The “not dyeing” is dyed out, and waits for a oppose one.

Even if all are healed, be gonna no return.
there is still the place. far away. far away.

The place changes and goes. Like a wind, like clouds.
Like the traces of the heart, no halt at the places.

The place is a lofty lord. can’t meet nobody put on.
still, there is still the place. far away. far away.

HD

Toki Wo Kizamu Uta ( Clannad After Story OP )

The opening theme for the Clannad After Story . Maybe Alex was right .. I am A Clannad freak . lol ..

A Song that Ticks Away Time
Vocals: Lia
Lyrics: Maeda Jun
Composition: Maeda Jun
Arrangement: ANANT-GARDE EYES

I’m only looking at the spilling hourglass
When I turn it upside-down, look, it starts up again
I wonder if I’ll be able to someday enter
The advancing time that only ticked away

Midway on the slope that only you passed through
Many warm spots of sunshine appeared
Here by myself, I’m reminiscing
About the tender warmth

It’s only you, it’s only you
Who I loved
My eyes tear up in the wind
And you become distant

I’ll remember forever
Even if just about everything changes
It was just one, it was just one
Ordinary thing
But in the brilliance that I’ll show you, there’s only one thing that was fulfilled
I’ll protect it forever and ever

The chilly days continue, even though it’s already spring
On a morning when I woke up earlier than the alarm clock
You’re standing there
Making breakfast for three

It’s only you, it’s only you
Who isn’t by my side
Up until yesterday, you were right by my side, looking at me

It’s only you, it’s only you
Who I loved
It’s a song that I sing
Only with you, only with you
It’s our, it’s our
Time passed together
I don’t want to
Continue on my own

I’ll remember forever
Even if this town changes
No matter how much sorrow I’m to encounter
I’ll show you when I was truly strong
C’mon, let’s go; we’ll start walking on the sloped road

Toki o Kizamu Uta
Vocals: Lia

Ochite iku sunadokei bakari miteru yo
Sakasama ni sureba hora mata hajimaru yo
Kizanda dake susumu jikan ni
Itsuka boku mo haireru kana

Kimi dake ga sugisatta saka no tochuu wa
Atataka na hidamari ga ikutsu mo dekiteta
Boku hitori ga koko de yasashii
Atatakasa o omoikaeshiteru

Kimi dake o kimi dake o
Suki de ita yo
Kaze de me ga nijinde
Tooku naru yo

Itsu made mo oboeteru
Nani mo ka mo kawatte mo
Hitotsu dake hitotsu dake
Arifureta mono da kedo
Misete yaru kagayaki ni michita sono hitotsu dake
Itsu made mo itsu made mo mamotte iku

Hadazamui hi ga tsuzuku mou haru na no ni
Mezamashidokei yori hayaku okita asa
Sanninbun no asa-gohan o tsukuru kimi ga
Soko ni tatte iru

Kimi dake ga kimi dake ga
Soba ni inai yo
Kinou made sugu soba de boku o miteta yo

Kimi dake o kimi dake o
Suki de ita yo
Kimi dake to kimi dake to
Utau uta da yo
Boku-tachi no boku-tachi no
Kizanda toki da yo
Katahou dake tsuzuku nante
Boku wa iya da yo

Itsu made mo oboeteru
Kono machi ga kawatte mo
Dore dake no kanashimi to deau koto ni natte mo
Misete yaru hontou wa tsuyokatta toki no koto
Saa iku yo arukidasu saka no michi o

HD

Hitohira no sakura ( Clannad )

Sue me but i like it .. The instrumental is Harukana Nengetsu from the Clannad Original Soundtrack .

A Single Sakura Petal
Vocals: riya
Lyrics: Key
Composition: Maeda Jun
Arrangement: Takumaru
Adapted from original BGM track “Haruka na Toshitsuki”

One day I walked with you on this slope where the sakura blooms
You were a person who was like a single flower petal

Inside of my dreams, I stood at this place when I chased after you
You said, “Please live without regrets”

I’ll name the story
That starts from there ‘life’
We struggled, grieved, lost things
Walking on our road

‘I’ll be by your side forever,’ that day when I vowed so
Becomes faraway; the wind blows and winter comes about

This me knew that I wanted to give you warmth
If I look back, there are distant years

Spring comes, and surrounded in the soft fragrance
A single flower flutters, looking down upon me

Now I’m still ascending this slope where the sakura blooms

Hitohira no Sakura
Vocals: riya

Sakura saku kono saka o itsuka kimi to aruita
Hitohira no hanabira no you na hito datta

Yume no naka kimi o otte kono basho ni tatteta
Kimi wa iu koukai o shinaide ikite to

Soko kara hajimaru monogatari ni
Jinsei to iu na o tsukeyou
Boku-tachi ga mogaite kurushinde ushinatte
Ayunde yuku michi ni

Itsu made mo soba ni iru sou chikatta ano hi ga
Tooku naru kaze ga fuku fuyu ga yatte kuru

Nukumori o ataetain konna boku ga shitta
Furikaeru to soko ni wa haruka na toshitsuki

Haru ga kuru yawaraka na kaori ni tsutsumarete
Hitohira no hana ga mau boku o mioroshite

Sakura saku kono saka o ima mo nobotte iru

HD

The Thoughts Of The Lost Soul

A dream . A fantasy that we choose to live in . The virtual image , unseeable by others , uncomparable to reality . A dream . The refuge of the human mind . The hidden world . A world shaped by a person's own desire . A dream . A place where one is able to relieve the memories . To wallow in the depths of the mind . To smile . To laugh . To cry . To mourn . To encage a memory forever .

I am a dream .

I am a dream that is created to aid . To serve . To help . A beacon of hope that lies in the midst of emptiness . I am here because of a desire . A wish that has been granted . In my hands , i hold the source of light to brighten the path of a person . The person who created me out of a dream . I am given a body , a mind of my own and an intellect which outstrips my host . I exist only in his eyes . To guide him through his life .

I am a dream .

A dream he wants to accomplish . A dream that , like all dreams , holds a strong force . A dream is not like a memory , which fades away in the course of time . A dream , unlike a memory , is unique in each individual . A dream endures the passage of time , forever remaining until one day , it is accomplished . One day , the dream becomes a reality . It takes form in the dreamer's eyes . It becomes a memory .

Then , it fades .

Slowly , at first . Until , eventually , what is left is only a fragment of a dream and a remnant of a memory . It is lost in time . Never again to be relieved . It is forgotten . Anew dream forms . A new desire erupts . The cycle will repeat itself . In fact , it will keep repeating itself until ... who knows ? Who knows what lies at the end of the road ? Who can truly comprehend the end of a journey without reaching it ? Who would have the insight in that ?

No one .

Not even the deities have that sort of power . To know is to discover . To discover is to seek . To seek the ending , you must reach the ending . Just as you will never know the conclusion of a book until you read the ending , you will never truly know what lies ahead until we go ahead . True , you can predict . But predictions are mere predictions . Your premonitions , your assumption , your guessing is not enough . A shot in the dark has a high percentage to miss its mark . A prediction has a probability of going wrong . There is always the element of surprise .

You must be prepared .

Ready to face the consequences . Ready to face what lies ahead . That is a person's true fear . The unknown . If we do not know what to expect , how do we prepare to confront it ? What really prepares us is the spirit . The determination . Our willpower . The strength to strive forward and make up for the chances you miss . Look at the ocean . A vast area of liquid with no way of determining what really lies beneath . If we go unprepared , we might face problems and ultimately , death .

You must brace yourself .

You must believe . Believe that you can make it through . Have faith that you can do whatever it takes to reach your goal . Your desire . Your dream .

Because you can do it .

Even if achieving your dream causes you to lose precious memories , it is the fact that you have made it that makes you who you will be in the future .

Do not be a coward .
Strive for it .
Make it happen .
Never forget that you own your dreams .

And it is up to you if you want to succeed .

HD

Dream..

The cool breeze caressed my face in the cold morning of December . It was peaceful . I closed my eyes and enjoyed the breeze that flies through the skies . Spreading my arms wide , i stood facing the sea on the balcony of my house . A moment of tranquility . the calming sensation that flows through my veins . Sighing , i looked out at the beach , noting the emptiness . Garbed in a sleeveless shirt and slacks , i made my way to the sea .

The walk to the sea itself depicted just how enjoying it is; to be alive to witness the calming view of the surroundings . The roaring tides of the sea . The pale blue skies . The sounds of the ocean . The gentle crooning that echoes from the breeze . The soft feeling of the sand as my feet made contact with it . I slowly walked towards a large , flat rock . The rock itself was fascinating . A pale brownish-gray with tinges of green . This is my sanctuary . I sat cross-legged on the rock and lifted my head to the sky .

I was content .

The birds soar high in the sky , singing in their glorious chirps . No doubt , they too , share my content in this peaceful moment . The birds and their endless journey in the sky . They reach for places in the sky which ordinary men could only dream of reaching . They fly proudly in the sky , their wings the source of their contentment .

The splashes of water from the tides snap me from my contemplation of the sky to the majestic view of the sea . The huge mass of blue . The ripples that appear every now and then . Occasionally , a wave hits the shore . Some waves reached the rock in which i sat . The sounds of water . The smell of the sea . The intoxicating feeling that weaves a memory in my heart . From my point of view , i could see a few children enjoying the seawater , immersing themselves in their fun and games , oblivious to anything else .

I noticed a man behind a canvas , his face a mask of concentration as he paints the seaview . I return to my gaze if the sky . The clouds weave intricate designs to fill the vast blueness with shades of white . Everything was perfect . Not a thing was out of place . I heaved a long sigh as I relaxed on the rock . The smile which was beginning to etch itself on my lips painfully fades away . Life is not this perfect . This is a fantasy which i turn to in order to obtain my strength . Reality is never this peaceful and relaxing . This was just ... another ... painstaking .... dream .

If i were to be awaken from my slumber , I would immediately realize that the dream would be the same thing i have been dreaming for a long time . It is the dream that keeps me alive . The dream i hope to see come true before my time comes to pass .

My dream .

CCW

4th October 2009 ( the final holiday )

Alright .

On that day , Alex , Shawn , May Qin and me went on a trip to KL in order to lay siege on Kinokuniya in KLCC . Just the day before , i had been delayed of the approval of going and it wasn't until the morning of the trip ( 7am ) , that i knew for sure that i can go . Though it doesn't matter . I would have walked if they didn't let me . I left house at 7.45 with two messages . Two motherfucking bullshit messages . Forgive me . I suddenly had an urge to swear .

Motherfucking bullshit message no.1 ( From dad ) : Study in KLCC . Don't go around and play .

My Comments : How in the name of who knows who am i suppose to freaking study there ? Dad , are you insane ? Been to a hospital recently to have your brain checked ? And the next bit , KLCC sells stuff at high prices . Do you think i have enough cash to go around and play in KLCC ? Where did your brain go ? i wonder ..

Motherfucking bullshit message no.2 ( From mum ) : Be back latest by 5. You have wasted one day so you need to study .

Comments : I'm no machine . I obviously know my timeslot without you telling me . And yes , i will study when i get back , if i don't fall asleep in exhaustion .

So , with my parent's 'blessings' , i headed to Alex's house . Then , we picked up MQ and Shawn . Then , we went to the train station in Kelana Jaya . Original plan was Carrefour train station but Kelana's was faster . I realised with a pang of regret that i haven't been on a train for 6 years . ( a tiny comfort was MQ hasn't been on a train for 3 years ) . We reached KLCC at about 9-something . A quick breakfast of nasi lemak and teh tarik and we went to Kinokuniya . I also withdrew RM 300 for my expenses ( pain .. ) . Kinokuniya only opens at 10 am so we strolled around the floors looking at stuff . When Kinokuniya opened , we went in and we went straight to the anime selection . Make a guess who dropped her bag at the sight of the wide selection of japanese stuff on sale ? Oops , i gave away the answer .. MAY QIN !!

Anime !!

More anime !!

She did drop her bag and she spent the next two hours at the same section , looking at art books while the rest of us went around looking for our stuff . I know very little about Japanese stuff so i merely looked around at the mangas and jap novels , buying none of them . After that two hours , I had looked through some other parts of the store and obtained three books .

A light moment before the perusal continues ..
Me and May Qin

1. Artemis Fowl and The Time Paradox by Eoin Colfer
2. The Associate by John Grisham
3. Home by Marilynne Robinson

Then , we went to a small cafeteria above Kinokuniya ( still in the bookstore ) for a small lunch . I bought a cappuccino and a prata wrap . Delicious . RM14.50 . Deli- crap . Expensive . We chatted for awhile before going back to our raid in Kinokuniya . Incidentally , Shawn managed to find " The Communist Manifesto " by Karl Marx before i did . =.= .

I'm wondering why the hell did i buy cappucino when i hate the taste ..

THE BOOK !!!!
( The Communist Manifesto )

The Problems of Philosophy
a good find by Shawn

Going gaga over the only book MQ bought ( japanese artbook , yes )

About an hour later , we had made our purchases . I bought five books .

1.Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox by Eoin Colfer - RM34.95
2.The Associate by John Grisham - RM26.32 ( 20% discount)
3.Home by Marilynne Robinson - RM31.60 ( 20% discount)
4.The Zahir by Paulo Coelho - RM27.92 ( 20% discount)
5.For One More Day by Mitch Albom - RM26.36 ( 20% discount)
6.Two Mitsubishi pens - RM 17.80

Which brought the total to RM 164.95 . Not to mention the small lunch of RM14.50 .
So thats RM179.45 gone in Kinokuniya .
Total spent in KLCC - Rm 186.95 ( my nasi lemak and teh tarik breakfast XD )
Total of current expenditures - RM191.45 ( train ticket )

We decided to head to Sungei Wang plaza to an anime shop where they were selling the Clannad DVD . I wanna get it so yea , we went there after an argument about which direction to take . I blame Alex and Shawn for their bickering . lol . We made it to Sungei Wang on our 1.5th attempt ( backtracked at a certain point ) . I bought a cold Nescafe along the way so my total expenditure now is RM 193.45 .

When we reache the plaza , there were many lalas and a concert going on . Lol .. Malaysian performers with inaudible chinese rap . LOL . Went to the third floor and spent sometime browsing the store for anime merchandise . I bought the Clannad DVD for RM40.00 . Cheap for 2 seasons , 4 OVAs , the movie and the After Story soundtrack . Since it was rather cramped , we left the plaza and made our way to the Pavillion , yet another expensive stuff place .

We relaxed at the Old Town White Coffee there and i bought iced cappuccino as well as French toast . Delicious . RM15.00 . At 3 , we left the Pavillion and headed to the Monorail Station just outside . We took a train to Sentral before hopping onto a commuter to the Carrefour station .

'Tai Kors' discussing stuff ..

You do not mess with me ! says Shawn to Alex

Neither should you ! says Alex to Shawn after biting him in the arm ..

Reached at 3.50 and dad picked me up at 4.15 . Enjoyable day .
Again , thanks to Alex for inviting me .

Departing photo ...

Total money spent - RM292.15 . urghh ..
I added in RM 40 to get a new calculator which i'm buying on Thursday . I lost my school calculator :( .

All in all , good day .

The Decision

I watched as Andrew made his way up the stairs , his fists balled up , his arms shaking , his face a black cloud . He entered his room and slammed the door shut . I sat on the bed as he paced around the room . He was muttering incoherently to himself and I knew something had happened . Something that would make him very angry and do stupid stuff . He was keeping himself in check , if only barely .

After what seemed an eternity , he ceased his pacing and sat down on a chair . He nodded once at me to acknowledge my presence and then , his face went blank . I got up the bed and walked to him .

" Something wrong ? " I asked tentatively . I was positive that he would burst into a rant and start pacing the room again . I wasn't expecting the next .

He looked at me with empty eyes and asked a question which until today i have yet to find a proper, cogent answer .

" Why must they put so much pressure on me ? "

And then , he did the one thing that i had not expect him to do . It was the last thing i thought he was capable of doing since this would be the first time i actually see him do it .

He cried .

It came in chokes . Then , the tears . Next , his face was buried in his arms and he was seriously crying . I could only put a hand on his shoulder and just grip tightly until his crying subsided .
It was over in two minutes . He staggered to the bathroom and washed his face , destroying all evidence that he had ever had a moment of weakness .

He emerged from the bathroom without a trace of a teenager who had just cried . His face was calm and he took out his History reference book before resuming his seat .

" Thanks ," he said to me " It's been awhile since i let my emotions go unchecked . " I merely nodded and asked " Care to share what happened ? "

He told me what happened in a monotonous tone , his eyes never leaving the History book that was lying on the table . His shaking right hand , which was curled in a fist was the only outward sign that showed that he was barely controlling his emotions . I was silent as i listened to the story .

" Look- ," I began but was cut short when he raised his hand . " I know what you are gonna say and i don't want to hear it . Its for my own good . They only hope for the best . The usual bullshit . I don't need the comfort nor do i want to hear the reason . " he said the last sentence with an absolute finality that I knew , concluded the discussion .

" I will go tomorrow . Nothing is stopping me from going . Even if i have to wake up at 5 and walk all the way to Alex's house . I had enough . I go through everyday studying for at least 6 hours and what i get in return is pure , hateful spite ." he said . I nodded and acknowledge his decision . " You do know that it would only infuriate them . " i said . He merely shook his head and said " Do i look like i really care about what they wanna think about me now ? I have done my duty as a son and it's because of that duty that i will endure . " I understood what he said . " Only duty ? " I asked . " Only duty , " he said without hesitation .

I was quiet as i looked at him . " You have changed , " I said finally " The Andrew i first met wouldn't have been this forgiving . He would have pulled the trigger by now . " He smiled sadly and said " That Andrew is gone .. what remains is a shell , a remnant of that person . I have made my decision . I know what i must do . All i want is your consent on it . Since you are the only person i can truly trust . " I nodded in consent . As i turn to leave , he said " Tell me , do you think i'm doing things as they should be ? " As i opened the door , i looked back with an amused expression .

" Do what you think is right . If anything screws up , there's always another way . I'm always here if you need me . And in answer to that .. who knows ? " I smiled a bit ruefully as i left .

I exited the house and was surprised to see him waiting for me . " You know you can't be backing him up forever , " he said pleasantly as he fell in step with me . I nodded tersely ( i have been nodding a lot in the past few minutes ) . " There is still time and as long as I'm here , he wouldn't go wrong . " I said confidently . He nodded and walked briskly , leaving me strolling behind . " You are a good man . Pity about limitations , huh ? " he said before walking into the darkness .

Limitations

I knew about that . I can only hope that my decision is correct ...

HD

Tori No Uta ( Air )

Song-Tori No Uta
Singer-Lia
Anime-Air

Lyrics-
kieru hikoukigumo bokutachi wa miokutta
mabushikute nigeta itsudatte yowakute
ano hi kara kawarazu
itsumademo kawarazu ni irarenakatta koto
kuyashikute yubi wo hanasu

We watched the fading vapor trails
They were so dazzling, I ran away- I was always weak
I let go, frustrated by the fact
That I couldn't stay unchanged since that day
Couldn't stay unchanged forever

ano tori wa mada umaku tobenai kedo
itsuka wa kaze wo kitte shiru
todokanai basho ga mada tooku ni aru
negai dake himete mitsumeteru

That bird still can't fly well
But someday she will know the feeling of cutting through the wind
The place she can't reach is still there in the distance
She gazes at it, keeping her wish to herself

kodomotachi wa natsu no senro aruku
fuku kaze ni suashi wo sarashite
tooku ni wa osanakatta hibi wo
ryoute ni wa tobidatsu kibou wo

Children walk along the summer railway tracks
Exposing their bare feet to the blowing wind
We place in the distance the days of our childhood
We place in our hands hope that springs forth

kieru hikoukigumo oikakete oikakete
kono oka wo koeta ano hi kara kawarazu itsumademo
massugu ni bokutachi wa aru youni
watatsumi no youna tsuyosa wo mamoreru yo kitto

Chasing, chasing the fading vapor trails
It hasn't changed since the day we crossed that hill, and never will
So that we will always have it,
We'll guard the strength of a sea god, surely

ano sora wo mawaru fuusha no hanetachi wa
itsumademo onaji yume miru
todokanai basho wo zutto mitsumeteru
negai wo himeta tori no yume wo

The blades of the windmill that turn in the sky
Always have the same dream
The dream of a bird, her wish kept to herself,
Gazing at the place she can't reach

furikaeru yaketa senro oou
nyuudougumo katachi wo kaetemo
bokura wa oboete ite douka
kisetsu ga nokoshita kinou wo

I look back: the sun-baked railway tracks are hidden
By stormclouds- even if they change their shape,
May we always remember
The yesterdays left behind by the seasons...

kieru hikoukigumo oikakete oikakete
hayasugiru aizu futari waraidashiteru itsumademo
massugu ni manazashi wa aru youni
ase ga nijindemo te wo hanasanai yo zutto

Chasing, chasing the fading vapor trails
The signal is given too early- we start laughing
So that we can always look straight ahead,
Even if it's slippery with sweat, I won't let go of your hand, ever

kieru hikoukigumo bokutachi wa miokutta
mabushikute nigeta itsudatte yowakute
ano hi kara kawarazu
itsumademo kawarazu ni irarenakatta koto
kuyashikute yubi wo hanasu

We watched the fading vapor trails
They were so dazzling, I ran away- I was always weak
I let go, frustrated by the fact
That I couldn't stay unchanged since that day
Couldn't stay unchanged forever

Just posting the lyrics for fun .. So that i know it's here for my perusal .. The anime itself is not realy that nice .. the only thing i like and that you won't like about it is ..

ITS PRACTICALLY BURSTING WITH MELANCHOLY AND SAD STUFF!!!!!

Which is something i do life .. lol ..

Unlike Kanon and Clannad , Air has sad ending .. Unlike Kanon and Clannad , it has only 13 episodes .. Unlike Kanon and Clannad , I don't like the storyline .. Unlike Kanon and Clannad , i dont have anything else to say ..

Why , though , you ask , am i only relating Air to Kanon and Clannad ?
That's because they are all produced under KEY .. lol ..

HD

Emotions..

We go through our lives everyday . We see people walking , running , bustling through the busy places of the world . We see people getting caught up in the hype or tension that would sooner or later dispel . Dispel back to the originality that was ordinary life . This hype or tension as we call it comes with a certain feeling , an emotion .

What is an emotion ? What defines an emotion ?

An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings , thoughts and behavior . Every person has emotions . A person without emotion would be like a zombie . Oblivious to the surroundings . Having no care of the world that revolves around him .
We show our emotion when we cry , when we feel angry , when we feel happy , when we feel determined . We portray our emotions through our actions . Our facial expressions . Our desires .

It would probably be obvious that emotions play a very important role in our thinking . Our perception of matters . Simply put , emotions affect our conscience . Our conscience determines our actions . Our actions portray our desires . When you are angry , naturally , your impulse would be to despise the person or the subject that made you angry . It takes a great deal of discipline to control your feelings of anger and to think rationally . The same goes when you are happy . When you are happy , nothing can bring you down , no matter how drastic the matter .

Emotions .

Emotions are what makes us human . It shapes us , making us able to decipher the numerous factors in life . Picture a society that is devoid of any emotion . Life is an empty shell but you do not feel the vast emptiness inside you . One merely goes on with life with no feelings . A walking dead man . You can't feel sad , you can't feel anger , you can't feel happy , you can't feel the rush of adrenaline that's going through your very veins . You are , so to speak , dead . You neither care nor ignore the void . You just go on with life as though it is as common as breathing .

A good example would be the Clerics in the movie " Equilibrium " . A must watch for everyone who enjoys fighting and likes Matrix . The Clerics have no emotion when they fight . They regularly take drugs to suppress their emotion and in the end one of them finally feels his emotions . He feels pain , he feels sadness , he griefs , he is happy , he is angry . He is not an empty shell . What i want to imply is that , would life be nicer with emotions or without it ?

Of course , everyone wants emotions . Would the world be in a better position as it is without emotions ? Without emotions , there is no war . without emotions , there is no happiness . Would the price of no war be enough for relinquishing our grip on happiness ? I highly doubt it , but what do you think ?

Personally , for me , i have emotions . Of course i do . The only thing is , i'm hardly able to express the emotions in real life , preferring instead to write it down and later surrender it to the perusal of others . When it comes to death , people cry . They look sad . For me , a funeral is just a normal thing to me . I do not cry when a sad thing happens . I merely blink the tears away and assume a calm front . Why ? i do not have the slightest idea myself .

Emotions are a part of us humans . Controlling these emotions , however , is not part of a normal human .

CCW

-Kage Futatsu- [ Two Shadows ]

This is another Clannad song that's really cool .. There are two versions of this song .. one's the original and another is a Mintjam mix .. i can't upload the song here but here is link if u wanna here the song .. I can't find the remix .. but the electric guitar rift in the remix is cool ..

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=search_playlists&search_query=kage+futatsu+mix&uni=1

Now the lyrics ..

-Kage Futatsu- ( translation )
On that day of the beginning, I pretended to be strong
I stood on tiptoes for the childish meeting

We felt the same wind and laughed together
Ah, if I look back, there are the nostalgic days

The sound of your footsteps remains in my ears
No matter where your voice is, it’ll reach me, look

I’m not alone anymore, there are two shadows
I carefully embrace the tune that echoes high and far

I’ll change my nurtured thoughts into words
I’ll hold your warm hand endlessly
And keep passing
The time with you

You asked, “Where did you get to?”
If you ask, “Are you tired?” I’ll laugh and shake my head

Then we’ll walk again, with our shoulders aligned
That’s right, in front of our eyes, there’s a colorless earth

Interferers don’t exist anywhere
We’ll pick up our feet and advance forward, unhesitatingly

With my definite feelings, within the wind
I feel the shapeless you in my closed eyes

My unstopping thoughts leave behind footprints
Now, our tracks are born here

I’ll change my nurtured thoughts into words
Hold your warm hand forever
And keep talking about
The future with you


―Kage Futatsu―
Vocals: riya

Ano hajimari no hi tsuyogatteta
Osanai deai ni senobi o shite ita

Onaji kaze o uke waraiatta
Aa, furikaereba natsukashii hibi

Sono ashioto ga mimi ni nokoru
Kimi no koe wa doko ni ite mo todoku hora

Mou hitori ja nai kage futatsu
Takaku tooku hibiku shirabe daiji ni daite

Hagukunda omoi o kotoba ni kaeyou
Doko made mo atataka na te wo tsunaide
Kimi to no jikan
Kizamitsuzukeru

Doko made kita ka to kimi wa kiita
Tsukareta? to kikeba warai kubi o furu

Soshite mata aruku kata o narabe
Sou, me no mae ni wa ironaki daichi

Jamasuru mono wa doko ni mo nai
Ashi o soroe mae e susumu mayowazu ni

Tashika na kimochi kaze no naka
Tojita hitomi ni katachinaki kimi o kanjite

Tomaranai omoi ga ashiato nokoshi
Ima, koko ni futari no kiseki umareru

Hagukunda omoi o kotoba ni kaete
Itsu made mo atataka na te o tsunaide
Kimi to no mirai
Kataritsuzukeru


Sue me ..

LOL..

HD

The Holidays ; how it's been like ..

To an extent , the holidays this time are like the calm before the storm .. the ultimate storm.. We Form 5's are using the holidays to do some serious studying ..

Or are we ?

Not me , that's for sure .. I came down with flu two days ago and only just recovered .. before that my left arm was facing a weakness .. i can't lift it of hold anything .. fortunately , it didn't last long ..

I'm trying to concentrate on my studies but i can't help but think about other things .. things of no relation whatsoever to the SPM but more on the later life ..

I will seriously try studying tomorrow .. today , my minds somewhere else .. i will rest today and tomorrow .. but we can't determine the future , can we ?

I realise that i have used this blog as a medium to vent my frustration or otherwise express my sadness .. most of the posts here are about my miserable life .. perhaps even more into depth about them .. but most of all , i treat this as my sanctuary of thoughts .. where i throw my feelings here and put out a false front outside .. after all , life is about being cheerful outside , is it not?

I do not own the world , i only live according to the rules that are made by the world ..
No matter how much we strive , it all comes back to following the rules made by the world ..
Whether you like it or not ,your life depends on the choices you have made ..
Whether you enjoy it or not , your life depends on the paths that you take ..

Bla .. bla .. i being melancholy again ..

Until then .

HD

Frustration ..

I'ma kill whoever was it that turned off the fucking modem .. i'ma seriously murder him .. or her .. fuck it ..

Selamat Hari Raya

Wishing all Malays ..

SELAMAT HARI RAYA !!

Peace out


HD

End of exams ?? Potong Steam..

Its the end of the Gerak Gempur trials .. or is it?

The last day of exam was postponed to the 28th of September .. Bio 3 and BI 2 ..

Conclusion ..


POTONG STEAM !!!!

lol..

HD

Trial exam update

Today's papers were okay..

Chemistry 3's experiment was leaked .. i give you that .. But , i still had to think for some time ..
Physics 3 was the tough one ..
The experiment was heat capacity and frequency of sound ..

I chose heat capacity but even doing that got me in a headache ..

Tomorrow is Maths 1 and 2 .. Gonna aim for 98 .. i know i can't get full marks .. since i'm not really gonna study for it .. lol .. more concerned for Physics 1 and 2 on Thursday .. lol ..

Hd

Add Maths failure .. lol ..

Can't get full marks for Add Maths adi .. :( ..

Screwed up a few stuff .. Max i can get now is 96 .. meh .. lost 2 marks in Paper 1 for now and 5 marks in paper 2.. crap..

Lol..

Tomorrow is Paper 3 for Chemistry and Physics .. Not worried of physics .. worried of chemistry ..

Eff...

HD

Cuttin' some slack

Well , its very unheard of .. especially if you happen to understand who i am .. but .. I haven't been studying this whole Saturday and Friday .. I am , to use the term ...

CUTTIN' SOME SLACK ..

Sue me ..

:D

I think i might just happened to be influenced by Shawn's freaky anime-watching these two days ... I watched Spice&Wolf and am now in the process of finishing My-Hime ..

Dear me ..

Its Add Maths on Monday .. and i plan to try and get full marks this time around .. The Science Paper 3's are also incoming as well as Physics ..

Stress ..

Lol..

Still , i'm relaxing for these two days before going back to my serious mode .. A person needs to slack sometimes :P ..

I'm going for the Prom Night thingy .. hopefully it will be nice .. wouldn't wanna waste my RM60 .. sitting in the same table as Dhaneesh , Tze Quan , Double A and Audrey .. the rest .. well .. i'm an outsider .. sue me ..

At times like this , my senses are going awry and i can't seem to concentrate much .. Losing my grip on reality .. yea , that's probably why ..

HD

The missing piece ..

I was looking through all my certificates today just for the fun of it .. ( I got 48 official ones since i was in school .. 2 short of my target ) and i glanced through some of my old school pictures when i was in kindergarten and in primary school ...

I realized i was such a freeloading , carefree guy before i reached Form 2..

In other words , i was rather immature during my younger days ..

I think that if someone were to yell at me that the world is about to end back then , i would have laughed it off.. and died with a smile on my face , without a care of the world ..

How things have truly changed ..

As i stepped in the realm of Form 2 , i met new friends .. i hung out with about almost everyone .. good people .. bad influences .. i even got myself a warning letter ..

Hard to believe right ? Since most people look at me as a study freak ..

Eversince then , i loosened up a little .. Going around the place .. slacking ..
Doing things i won't have done before ..

I have changed ..

Changed to know that the world changes too ..

But not changed enough to know when i have to fall .. and when i would have to get back up ..

Maybe someday ..

I will know .. i will understand ..

One day ...

That's a promise ..

HD