The Holidays

During the Deepavali holidays , i spent most of my time in front of the computer , either studying or just browsing through the net , watching anime or playing DOTA . This ends today . SPM is in 38 days and i have to get as much A+ as i can .

It is saddening for me to fall sick on one of the days in the 5-day holiday . Terrible flu . I also suffered fatigue from staying up too late for two nights in a row , something i did not expect .

I have studied Biology , Physics , Chemistry and a bit of History . Just before the hols , i went for a Sejarah camp for weaker students whereby a team of students were chosen as mentors for the weaker students . Surprisingly , i was chosen . =.=

Would you quit the mutterings ?

The students joining the camp were those who did badly in their exams and wanted an improvement . I must confess , though , i make a very bad teacher . I don't think the students under me were satisfied with the explanations i gave . You see , I didn't do well in my History exams , too . 60 marks for mid year and 80&82 for trials are just border line . I can teach Add Maths but if you ask me to teach any of the Sciences or History , you are making a bad move . =.=

I would appreciate if you stop muttering there ..

Anyway , the camp went smoothly and hopefully , we as mentors have succeeded in our jobs .

Deepavali came and went like a breeze . I went to a Dim Sum buffet lunch with my family in Holiday Villa on Sunday . Excellent food and service . RM102 , though . Ouch .

I pulled out of my entry to the Prom Night because of reasons i cannot disclose . Sorry to those that hoped to see me on the table . Ah , well .

Back to the studying .

Here are some Clannad wallpapers that i found on the net . lol .. sue me..

Furukawa/Okazaki Nagisa

Sakagami Tomoyo

Furukawa/Okazaki Nagisa

CCW

Narcissu

Of all the anime that i have , all of them have been introduced to me by Alex or Shawn . Today , however , i have managed to find an anime by myself that clearly catches my attention .The title of the anime is Narcissu , taking its name from the narcissus flower . Good news for you is that it isn't some harem anime that i have taken a liking of . Bad news for you is .................

ITS PRACTICALLY FILLED WITH MELANCHOLY THAT IT MADE ME DEPRESSED FOR QUITE A WHILE !!!

Sue me .. lol ..

The story is about a boy and a girl , aged 20 and 22 respectively , who are terminally ill and are going to die . They are warded in a 7F room where it is a room for patients with no hope of surviving . The girl is pictured as a quiet girl and has a vast knowledge on cars and navigation . The boy manages to escape from the room with the girl , Setsumi and go on a journey to Awaji Island . They pass through many hardships and finally at the island , Setsumi commits suicide by drowning herself .

A very touching story that centres around the sense of giving up hope on living and the hardships of a sick person .

Poignant ..
And what's even better .. the soundtrack has amazing instrumentals , piano arrangements and a good vocal song .

To those interested , you can just go to the Narcissu official English webstite and download the visual novel . It only comes as a visual novel . No anime was made . Here are some pictures ..

Setsumi , as she thinks of the unmoving time ..

Alternate cover


A picture with the two main characters .

Sadness fuels me ..

The touching story plus the heavenly soothing audio tracks = The Strength that resides in my body

CCW

Back To School

Its back to school tomorrow . Here i am , being the nut i usually am , hoping that it comes as quick as possible . I'm never comfortable staying at home . Probably because of certain disputes . I have a History camp in school for the next two days . Wonder what's it all about .

SPM is less than two months away . With the new grading system , it would be tougher for getting scholarships with my performance now . Gotta work harder .

Right , i can hear some of you muttering under your breath

He can't be serious !!
He got A for most of his subjects and he needs to work harder !!
Are you crazy ??!!

Sue me but i need to get a full scholarship . My family isn't well-off and i wanna go to college .
Ah well
That's all for now ..

CCW

P.S. :will write about sumthin else next time .

Blue Skies ( Aozora ) ( Air )

A rhythmic song from Air .

Blue Skies ( Aozora )- Lia

Ano umi dokomademo aokatta tooku made
Ano michi dokomademo tsuzuiteta massuguni

Ichiban hayaku sunaoni waratta monotachi
Ichiban suki na ano hito waratteru

Dare yorimo tooku ni ittemo koko kara mata waratte kureru
Hitomi o tojireba futto natsu no hi no nioi

Ano kawa asonderu futari kiri doro darake
Ano kumo otteiru todoitara shiawase to

Ichiban hayaku kono saka nobotta monotachi
Ichiban suki na ano basho mezashite

Takusan no omoide ga aru hoka ni ha nani mo iranai kurai
Hitomi o tojireba sugu ano umi no nioi

Mata natsu ga kuru gin iro ni hikaru
Minamo ni utsusu futaribun no kage

Dare yorimo tooku ni ittemo kokokara mata waratte kureru
Hitomi o tojireba futto ano hi no aozora

That sea went on forever, into the blue distance
That road went on forever, continuing straight ahead

The person who sincerely laughs first wins
The person I love most is laughing
Even if I were farther away than anyone else, would you still smile for me from here?
When I close my eyes, suddenly I can smell the scent of a summer day

Playing in that river, just the two of us, we were covered in mud
I'm chasing that cloud... if I reach it, I'll be happy

The one who runs up this hill fastest wins
Aiming for that place we like best

I have so many memories that I almost don't need anything else
When I close my eyes, soon I can smell the scent of that sea

Summer comes again, shining silver
Our shadows reflected on the surface of the water

Even if I were farther away than anyone else, would you still smile for me from here?
When I close my eyes, suddenly I can see that day's blue sky

HD

Last regrets ( Ayana ) ( Kanon )

This is the theme song for the anime Kanon which is produced by Key , the same producer for Clannad . So , i'm sure you can add 2 and 2 together . LOL .

Last regrets
Vocals: Ayana
Lyrics: Key
Composition: Key
Arrangment: Takase Kazuya

I won’t say ‘thank you’; I’ll leave it in myself forever
Goodbye, after a dream that doesn’t overshadow it, quietly lands

I forever, forever embrace the pieces pouring into my hands
And I already know the strength of laughing until the end

Good morning, waking up is blindingly bright and sad
Goodbye, our inexcusable weaknesses were fine

The common kindness in us moves around like flowers, like love
I can’t hear the quietness of the low clouds waiting for the wind anymore

I forever, forever embrace the pieces pouring into my hands
And I already know the strength of laughing until the end

I won’t cry anymore, I won’t cry anymore, I won’t cry

Last regrets
Vocals: Ayana

Arigatou iwanai yo zutto shimatte oku
Sayonara wa kagerinai yume no ato shizuka ni oritatsu

Ryoute ni wa furisosogu kakera o itsu made mo itsu made mo daite
Saigo made waratteru tsuyosa o mou shitte ita

Ohayou mezame wa mabushikute kanashii
Sayonara yurusenai boku-tachi no yowasa ga yokatta

Futari ni wa arifureta yasashisa hana no you ni koi no you ni utsurou
Hikui kumo kaze o matsu shizukesa mou kikoenai

Ryoute ni wa furisosogu kakera o itsu made mo itsu made mo daite
Saigo made waratteru tsuyosa o mou shitte ita

Mou nakanai mou nakanai nakanai

HD

Ana ( Clannad )

The reason why i'm piling up the posts is that this is probably one of the last times i can actually post something . I wouldn't have the time later .

This song by Lia is rather touching and it portrays her amazing vocal range .

But then , you may sue me . XD . The language used might not be English .. based on the grammar .. lol ..

Ana
Vocals: Lia
Lyrics: Hagiwara Yu
Composition: traditional
Arrangement: Togoshi Magome

The place changes and goes. Like a wind, like clouds.
Like the traces of the heart, no halt at the places.

The place is so far away. be far apart.
people’s hand does not reach, so merely has (the) worship.

The place is a lofty lord. can’t meet nobody put on.
We will lose the place. so lofty which changes.

Not all were desired. However, we’re never sad.
still, there is still the place. far away. far away.

(The wind) blows through the place. an endless, with all.
Like the ripple float on the water. It blows as it goes.

the place is No make at all. Nothing is shown.
Like the sand clasped by hand, It falls vainly.

The place is (a) profound lord, and wear the vain faint light.
But we will find it in the place. The hut at which it stands still.

if not concerned with all, It will maintain that No dye.
therefore there is still the hut. It’s lonely, solitary.

no halt at the wind. it soars to the sky.
Like the verdure (which) meets with sunrise, It grows up as reborn.

The hut has held new one. that’s different from all.
like the sand castle of the children, but realized with the mind.

The person is a vain statue. wear taciturnity calm.
still, We will know a huge flow. It is stopped by nobody.

soon, the wind wears the snow cloud. will be dyed to snow-white.
Summer grass will incline. No sunlight, feebly shade.

The place buried in deep snow. like the collapsing castle.
like the head of the shade. figure will be thrown away.

The hut buried in deep snow. It sinks in to the flood.
and The “not dyeing” is dyed out, and waits for a oppose one.

Even if all are healed, be gonna no return.
there is still the place. far away. far away.

The place changes and goes. Like a wind, like clouds.
Like the traces of the heart, no halt at the places.

The place is a lofty lord. can’t meet nobody put on.
still, there is still the place. far away. far away.

HD

Toki Wo Kizamu Uta ( Clannad After Story OP )

The opening theme for the Clannad After Story . Maybe Alex was right .. I am A Clannad freak . lol ..

A Song that Ticks Away Time
Vocals: Lia
Lyrics: Maeda Jun
Composition: Maeda Jun
Arrangement: ANANT-GARDE EYES

I’m only looking at the spilling hourglass
When I turn it upside-down, look, it starts up again
I wonder if I’ll be able to someday enter
The advancing time that only ticked away

Midway on the slope that only you passed through
Many warm spots of sunshine appeared
Here by myself, I’m reminiscing
About the tender warmth

It’s only you, it’s only you
Who I loved
My eyes tear up in the wind
And you become distant

I’ll remember forever
Even if just about everything changes
It was just one, it was just one
Ordinary thing
But in the brilliance that I’ll show you, there’s only one thing that was fulfilled
I’ll protect it forever and ever

The chilly days continue, even though it’s already spring
On a morning when I woke up earlier than the alarm clock
You’re standing there
Making breakfast for three

It’s only you, it’s only you
Who isn’t by my side
Up until yesterday, you were right by my side, looking at me

It’s only you, it’s only you
Who I loved
It’s a song that I sing
Only with you, only with you
It’s our, it’s our
Time passed together
I don’t want to
Continue on my own

I’ll remember forever
Even if this town changes
No matter how much sorrow I’m to encounter
I’ll show you when I was truly strong
C’mon, let’s go; we’ll start walking on the sloped road

Toki o Kizamu Uta
Vocals: Lia

Ochite iku sunadokei bakari miteru yo
Sakasama ni sureba hora mata hajimaru yo
Kizanda dake susumu jikan ni
Itsuka boku mo haireru kana

Kimi dake ga sugisatta saka no tochuu wa
Atataka na hidamari ga ikutsu mo dekiteta
Boku hitori ga koko de yasashii
Atatakasa o omoikaeshiteru

Kimi dake o kimi dake o
Suki de ita yo
Kaze de me ga nijinde
Tooku naru yo

Itsu made mo oboeteru
Nani mo ka mo kawatte mo
Hitotsu dake hitotsu dake
Arifureta mono da kedo
Misete yaru kagayaki ni michita sono hitotsu dake
Itsu made mo itsu made mo mamotte iku

Hadazamui hi ga tsuzuku mou haru na no ni
Mezamashidokei yori hayaku okita asa
Sanninbun no asa-gohan o tsukuru kimi ga
Soko ni tatte iru

Kimi dake ga kimi dake ga
Soba ni inai yo
Kinou made sugu soba de boku o miteta yo

Kimi dake o kimi dake o
Suki de ita yo
Kimi dake to kimi dake to
Utau uta da yo
Boku-tachi no boku-tachi no
Kizanda toki da yo
Katahou dake tsuzuku nante
Boku wa iya da yo

Itsu made mo oboeteru
Kono machi ga kawatte mo
Dore dake no kanashimi to deau koto ni natte mo
Misete yaru hontou wa tsuyokatta toki no koto
Saa iku yo arukidasu saka no michi o

HD

Hitohira no sakura ( Clannad )

Sue me but i like it .. The instrumental is Harukana Nengetsu from the Clannad Original Soundtrack .

A Single Sakura Petal
Vocals: riya
Lyrics: Key
Composition: Maeda Jun
Arrangement: Takumaru
Adapted from original BGM track “Haruka na Toshitsuki”

One day I walked with you on this slope where the sakura blooms
You were a person who was like a single flower petal

Inside of my dreams, I stood at this place when I chased after you
You said, “Please live without regrets”

I’ll name the story
That starts from there ‘life’
We struggled, grieved, lost things
Walking on our road

‘I’ll be by your side forever,’ that day when I vowed so
Becomes faraway; the wind blows and winter comes about

This me knew that I wanted to give you warmth
If I look back, there are distant years

Spring comes, and surrounded in the soft fragrance
A single flower flutters, looking down upon me

Now I’m still ascending this slope where the sakura blooms

Hitohira no Sakura
Vocals: riya

Sakura saku kono saka o itsuka kimi to aruita
Hitohira no hanabira no you na hito datta

Yume no naka kimi o otte kono basho ni tatteta
Kimi wa iu koukai o shinaide ikite to

Soko kara hajimaru monogatari ni
Jinsei to iu na o tsukeyou
Boku-tachi ga mogaite kurushinde ushinatte
Ayunde yuku michi ni

Itsu made mo soba ni iru sou chikatta ano hi ga
Tooku naru kaze ga fuku fuyu ga yatte kuru

Nukumori o ataetain konna boku ga shitta
Furikaeru to soko ni wa haruka na toshitsuki

Haru ga kuru yawaraka na kaori ni tsutsumarete
Hitohira no hana ga mau boku o mioroshite

Sakura saku kono saka o ima mo nobotte iru

HD

The Thoughts Of The Lost Soul

A dream . A fantasy that we choose to live in . The virtual image , unseeable by others , uncomparable to reality . A dream . The refuge of the human mind . The hidden world . A world shaped by a person's own desire . A dream . A place where one is able to relieve the memories . To wallow in the depths of the mind . To smile . To laugh . To cry . To mourn . To encage a memory forever .

I am a dream .

I am a dream that is created to aid . To serve . To help . A beacon of hope that lies in the midst of emptiness . I am here because of a desire . A wish that has been granted . In my hands , i hold the source of light to brighten the path of a person . The person who created me out of a dream . I am given a body , a mind of my own and an intellect which outstrips my host . I exist only in his eyes . To guide him through his life .

I am a dream .

A dream he wants to accomplish . A dream that , like all dreams , holds a strong force . A dream is not like a memory , which fades away in the course of time . A dream , unlike a memory , is unique in each individual . A dream endures the passage of time , forever remaining until one day , it is accomplished . One day , the dream becomes a reality . It takes form in the dreamer's eyes . It becomes a memory .

Then , it fades .

Slowly , at first . Until , eventually , what is left is only a fragment of a dream and a remnant of a memory . It is lost in time . Never again to be relieved . It is forgotten . Anew dream forms . A new desire erupts . The cycle will repeat itself . In fact , it will keep repeating itself until ... who knows ? Who knows what lies at the end of the road ? Who can truly comprehend the end of a journey without reaching it ? Who would have the insight in that ?

No one .

Not even the deities have that sort of power . To know is to discover . To discover is to seek . To seek the ending , you must reach the ending . Just as you will never know the conclusion of a book until you read the ending , you will never truly know what lies ahead until we go ahead . True , you can predict . But predictions are mere predictions . Your premonitions , your assumption , your guessing is not enough . A shot in the dark has a high percentage to miss its mark . A prediction has a probability of going wrong . There is always the element of surprise .

You must be prepared .

Ready to face the consequences . Ready to face what lies ahead . That is a person's true fear . The unknown . If we do not know what to expect , how do we prepare to confront it ? What really prepares us is the spirit . The determination . Our willpower . The strength to strive forward and make up for the chances you miss . Look at the ocean . A vast area of liquid with no way of determining what really lies beneath . If we go unprepared , we might face problems and ultimately , death .

You must brace yourself .

You must believe . Believe that you can make it through . Have faith that you can do whatever it takes to reach your goal . Your desire . Your dream .

Because you can do it .

Even if achieving your dream causes you to lose precious memories , it is the fact that you have made it that makes you who you will be in the future .

Do not be a coward .
Strive for it .
Make it happen .
Never forget that you own your dreams .

And it is up to you if you want to succeed .

HD

Dream..

The cool breeze caressed my face in the cold morning of December . It was peaceful . I closed my eyes and enjoyed the breeze that flies through the skies . Spreading my arms wide , i stood facing the sea on the balcony of my house . A moment of tranquility . the calming sensation that flows through my veins . Sighing , i looked out at the beach , noting the emptiness . Garbed in a sleeveless shirt and slacks , i made my way to the sea .

The walk to the sea itself depicted just how enjoying it is; to be alive to witness the calming view of the surroundings . The roaring tides of the sea . The pale blue skies . The sounds of the ocean . The gentle crooning that echoes from the breeze . The soft feeling of the sand as my feet made contact with it . I slowly walked towards a large , flat rock . The rock itself was fascinating . A pale brownish-gray with tinges of green . This is my sanctuary . I sat cross-legged on the rock and lifted my head to the sky .

I was content .

The birds soar high in the sky , singing in their glorious chirps . No doubt , they too , share my content in this peaceful moment . The birds and their endless journey in the sky . They reach for places in the sky which ordinary men could only dream of reaching . They fly proudly in the sky , their wings the source of their contentment .

The splashes of water from the tides snap me from my contemplation of the sky to the majestic view of the sea . The huge mass of blue . The ripples that appear every now and then . Occasionally , a wave hits the shore . Some waves reached the rock in which i sat . The sounds of water . The smell of the sea . The intoxicating feeling that weaves a memory in my heart . From my point of view , i could see a few children enjoying the seawater , immersing themselves in their fun and games , oblivious to anything else .

I noticed a man behind a canvas , his face a mask of concentration as he paints the seaview . I return to my gaze if the sky . The clouds weave intricate designs to fill the vast blueness with shades of white . Everything was perfect . Not a thing was out of place . I heaved a long sigh as I relaxed on the rock . The smile which was beginning to etch itself on my lips painfully fades away . Life is not this perfect . This is a fantasy which i turn to in order to obtain my strength . Reality is never this peaceful and relaxing . This was just ... another ... painstaking .... dream .

If i were to be awaken from my slumber , I would immediately realize that the dream would be the same thing i have been dreaming for a long time . It is the dream that keeps me alive . The dream i hope to see come true before my time comes to pass .

My dream .

CCW

4th October 2009 ( the final holiday )

Alright .

On that day , Alex , Shawn , May Qin and me went on a trip to KL in order to lay siege on Kinokuniya in KLCC . Just the day before , i had been delayed of the approval of going and it wasn't until the morning of the trip ( 7am ) , that i knew for sure that i can go . Though it doesn't matter . I would have walked if they didn't let me . I left house at 7.45 with two messages . Two motherfucking bullshit messages . Forgive me . I suddenly had an urge to swear .

Motherfucking bullshit message no.1 ( From dad ) : Study in KLCC . Don't go around and play .

My Comments : How in the name of who knows who am i suppose to freaking study there ? Dad , are you insane ? Been to a hospital recently to have your brain checked ? And the next bit , KLCC sells stuff at high prices . Do you think i have enough cash to go around and play in KLCC ? Where did your brain go ? i wonder ..

Motherfucking bullshit message no.2 ( From mum ) : Be back latest by 5. You have wasted one day so you need to study .

Comments : I'm no machine . I obviously know my timeslot without you telling me . And yes , i will study when i get back , if i don't fall asleep in exhaustion .

So , with my parent's 'blessings' , i headed to Alex's house . Then , we picked up MQ and Shawn . Then , we went to the train station in Kelana Jaya . Original plan was Carrefour train station but Kelana's was faster . I realised with a pang of regret that i haven't been on a train for 6 years . ( a tiny comfort was MQ hasn't been on a train for 3 years ) . We reached KLCC at about 9-something . A quick breakfast of nasi lemak and teh tarik and we went to Kinokuniya . I also withdrew RM 300 for my expenses ( pain .. ) . Kinokuniya only opens at 10 am so we strolled around the floors looking at stuff . When Kinokuniya opened , we went in and we went straight to the anime selection . Make a guess who dropped her bag at the sight of the wide selection of japanese stuff on sale ? Oops , i gave away the answer .. MAY QIN !!

Anime !!

More anime !!

She did drop her bag and she spent the next two hours at the same section , looking at art books while the rest of us went around looking for our stuff . I know very little about Japanese stuff so i merely looked around at the mangas and jap novels , buying none of them . After that two hours , I had looked through some other parts of the store and obtained three books .

A light moment before the perusal continues ..
Me and May Qin

1. Artemis Fowl and The Time Paradox by Eoin Colfer
2. The Associate by John Grisham
3. Home by Marilynne Robinson

Then , we went to a small cafeteria above Kinokuniya ( still in the bookstore ) for a small lunch . I bought a cappuccino and a prata wrap . Delicious . RM14.50 . Deli- crap . Expensive . We chatted for awhile before going back to our raid in Kinokuniya . Incidentally , Shawn managed to find " The Communist Manifesto " by Karl Marx before i did . =.= .

I'm wondering why the hell did i buy cappucino when i hate the taste ..

THE BOOK !!!!
( The Communist Manifesto )

The Problems of Philosophy
a good find by Shawn

Going gaga over the only book MQ bought ( japanese artbook , yes )

About an hour later , we had made our purchases . I bought five books .

1.Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox by Eoin Colfer - RM34.95
2.The Associate by John Grisham - RM26.32 ( 20% discount)
3.Home by Marilynne Robinson - RM31.60 ( 20% discount)
4.The Zahir by Paulo Coelho - RM27.92 ( 20% discount)
5.For One More Day by Mitch Albom - RM26.36 ( 20% discount)
6.Two Mitsubishi pens - RM 17.80

Which brought the total to RM 164.95 . Not to mention the small lunch of RM14.50 .
So thats RM179.45 gone in Kinokuniya .
Total spent in KLCC - Rm 186.95 ( my nasi lemak and teh tarik breakfast XD )
Total of current expenditures - RM191.45 ( train ticket )

We decided to head to Sungei Wang plaza to an anime shop where they were selling the Clannad DVD . I wanna get it so yea , we went there after an argument about which direction to take . I blame Alex and Shawn for their bickering . lol . We made it to Sungei Wang on our 1.5th attempt ( backtracked at a certain point ) . I bought a cold Nescafe along the way so my total expenditure now is RM 193.45 .

When we reache the plaza , there were many lalas and a concert going on . Lol .. Malaysian performers with inaudible chinese rap . LOL . Went to the third floor and spent sometime browsing the store for anime merchandise . I bought the Clannad DVD for RM40.00 . Cheap for 2 seasons , 4 OVAs , the movie and the After Story soundtrack . Since it was rather cramped , we left the plaza and made our way to the Pavillion , yet another expensive stuff place .

We relaxed at the Old Town White Coffee there and i bought iced cappuccino as well as French toast . Delicious . RM15.00 . At 3 , we left the Pavillion and headed to the Monorail Station just outside . We took a train to Sentral before hopping onto a commuter to the Carrefour station .

'Tai Kors' discussing stuff ..

You do not mess with me ! says Shawn to Alex

Neither should you ! says Alex to Shawn after biting him in the arm ..

Reached at 3.50 and dad picked me up at 4.15 . Enjoyable day .
Again , thanks to Alex for inviting me .

Departing photo ...

Total money spent - RM292.15 . urghh ..
I added in RM 40 to get a new calculator which i'm buying on Thursday . I lost my school calculator :( .

All in all , good day .

The Decision

I watched as Andrew made his way up the stairs , his fists balled up , his arms shaking , his face a black cloud . He entered his room and slammed the door shut . I sat on the bed as he paced around the room . He was muttering incoherently to himself and I knew something had happened . Something that would make him very angry and do stupid stuff . He was keeping himself in check , if only barely .

After what seemed an eternity , he ceased his pacing and sat down on a chair . He nodded once at me to acknowledge my presence and then , his face went blank . I got up the bed and walked to him .

" Something wrong ? " I asked tentatively . I was positive that he would burst into a rant and start pacing the room again . I wasn't expecting the next .

He looked at me with empty eyes and asked a question which until today i have yet to find a proper, cogent answer .

" Why must they put so much pressure on me ? "

And then , he did the one thing that i had not expect him to do . It was the last thing i thought he was capable of doing since this would be the first time i actually see him do it .

He cried .

It came in chokes . Then , the tears . Next , his face was buried in his arms and he was seriously crying . I could only put a hand on his shoulder and just grip tightly until his crying subsided .
It was over in two minutes . He staggered to the bathroom and washed his face , destroying all evidence that he had ever had a moment of weakness .

He emerged from the bathroom without a trace of a teenager who had just cried . His face was calm and he took out his History reference book before resuming his seat .

" Thanks ," he said to me " It's been awhile since i let my emotions go unchecked . " I merely nodded and asked " Care to share what happened ? "

He told me what happened in a monotonous tone , his eyes never leaving the History book that was lying on the table . His shaking right hand , which was curled in a fist was the only outward sign that showed that he was barely controlling his emotions . I was silent as i listened to the story .

" Look- ," I began but was cut short when he raised his hand . " I know what you are gonna say and i don't want to hear it . Its for my own good . They only hope for the best . The usual bullshit . I don't need the comfort nor do i want to hear the reason . " he said the last sentence with an absolute finality that I knew , concluded the discussion .

" I will go tomorrow . Nothing is stopping me from going . Even if i have to wake up at 5 and walk all the way to Alex's house . I had enough . I go through everyday studying for at least 6 hours and what i get in return is pure , hateful spite ." he said . I nodded and acknowledge his decision . " You do know that it would only infuriate them . " i said . He merely shook his head and said " Do i look like i really care about what they wanna think about me now ? I have done my duty as a son and it's because of that duty that i will endure . " I understood what he said . " Only duty ? " I asked . " Only duty , " he said without hesitation .

I was quiet as i looked at him . " You have changed , " I said finally " The Andrew i first met wouldn't have been this forgiving . He would have pulled the trigger by now . " He smiled sadly and said " That Andrew is gone .. what remains is a shell , a remnant of that person . I have made my decision . I know what i must do . All i want is your consent on it . Since you are the only person i can truly trust . " I nodded in consent . As i turn to leave , he said " Tell me , do you think i'm doing things as they should be ? " As i opened the door , i looked back with an amused expression .

" Do what you think is right . If anything screws up , there's always another way . I'm always here if you need me . And in answer to that .. who knows ? " I smiled a bit ruefully as i left .

I exited the house and was surprised to see him waiting for me . " You know you can't be backing him up forever , " he said pleasantly as he fell in step with me . I nodded tersely ( i have been nodding a lot in the past few minutes ) . " There is still time and as long as I'm here , he wouldn't go wrong . " I said confidently . He nodded and walked briskly , leaving me strolling behind . " You are a good man . Pity about limitations , huh ? " he said before walking into the darkness .

Limitations

I knew about that . I can only hope that my decision is correct ...

HD