Aftermath of the exams ..

Ah , bliss .. beyond the abyss.. i'm being crappy now ...

On the plus side , 80/80 for ADD MATHS !! woot !!..

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Faced With A Dilemma ..

Yet again , i find myself face to face with implications that seem so simple to accomplish but of which i cannot be able to understand properly ... And yet again , i become an idiot to myself , to other people ... And yet again , i'm the cause of stupid things happening ..

Because of that , i can't do anything right now ...
Too tired of even writing anything else ..

Will be using a lot on the computer for this week .. Next week , hardcore studying ...

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CNY Money ;P

Woot .. money!! and angpaus!!

Finally , i have decided to make a count on the angpau money that i have collected this year .. Its suffice for one like me .. about RM280 .. Gonna deposit this in my bank account together with an extra RM 20 .. Would have about 4k++ in my bank account ..

And damn .. my account online has been blocked ... maximum amount of password tries achieved.. =.= .. keep forgetting the password .. simple combination really and i had to forget it ...

Back to school tomorrow .. loads to do ..

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Back to normal.. or is it?

Something has been taken from deep inside of me ,
A secret i've kept locked away no one can ever see ,
Wounds so deep they never show , they never go away ,
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they play .

Just listening to 'Easier To Run' by Linkin Park ... I'm sorta emo rite now .. adding a new style to the way i talk .. a more calmed way of talking .. don't feel like swearing anymore ..

Anyway , the monthly exams just passed .. Bm was crappy .. didnt use two of the isi that they gave .. lolz .. nazri's so gonna kill me .. Bi was normal .. Est normal .. Moral .. normal .. Add maths .. got one prob .. Bio .. okaylo ... Chemistry .. abit prob on Salts .. Physics .. eff it .. M.Maths .. okay lo... wait.. 2 questions = 20 marks ? Holy @#^%$ .. Sejarah .. let's not talk about it shall we?

A little something i wrote during maths .. I'm quitting the rap scene for awhile .. need to work up my mouth stamina first .. lolZ.

Some part of me , just doesn't wanna believe ,
What they see through me , it's all just a deceit ,
Somewhere in me , looking out from me ,
Taking in the view , the mistakes i made ,
Never thought that one day it's back to square one ,
Never believed that there are things i've not done ,
But now it's gone , wasted , vanished in a flash ,
Emptied , nothing , burned right down to ash ,
I keep losing my ground , i keep backing down ,
I don't step up and try turning things around ,
It's a collision of thoughts , that's why i'm confused ,
But , it's a confusion of sorts , thats why i don't refuse ,
Someday . oneday , i will know what keeps me going ,
Next day , no way , i will just keep moving ,
Up to it , to give it one final shot ,
Going to the top whether i fail or not ...

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Updates ..

First of all , a very belated Valentine's Day to all of you out there ! Hope it ain't that late ..
Next a very happy birthday to Ramaraj and Amirah !!

Finally , its the monthly tests .. Chemistry , Moral and Bm tomorrow .. Hope i can do well ...
Planning to anyway...

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Freaking torment ...

On the outside , i'm just a normal guy you see on the streets ... A nice house with parents that strive to give the best .. A nice home to study and do my things .. of course , thats what the people around me are deceived into witnessing .. what they don't know is too ghastly too explain ..

Its a living HELL in my house .. A yelling woman with a PMS rate of once every 5 seconds , an over-over-over-protective man with those stupid remonstrations of someone lacking proper manners , i think i have said enough .. On the front , i keep my cool ... But inside , i'm broken .. There's an angry self that i keep shackled , able to surface any moment .. Why do you think i'm such a thoroughly patient guy at some times ? Because i have to discipline myself to endure those madness in the house ..

I try clearing out of house every oppoturnity i get .. It's not that they are that unreasonable , the point is , when they explode , they cause an earthquake of a 10 ritcher scale and volcanoes and tornadoes providing back-up ammos ...

I'm sorry to those who know her .. Knowing that they would never know her true self ... I'm a fucktard .. I don't have the guts to tell the whole world ..

I'm just releasing all my anger in this post so that the next dose of it will be taken with patience .. Luckily , i have other things to keep in mind .. A monster to shackle , but my tolerance is waning .. sooner or later , there will be crime .. and guess who will be the victim ? The alternative is simple , yet , i know enough not to let myself go along that path .. Suicide's a stupid thing to do .. i'll endure if i must , suffer if it is for the sake of a moment's peace , and pay for my mistakes if i must .. but yet , one thing holds true .. and it will remain as always until they see sense ..


I am the Lost Soul ..

Hard times lay ahead ....

Indeed ...

The truth cannot be any clearer .. i , the Lost Soul , have just been through hell these few days .. What with the ending of the chess MSSD .. i got 5.5 out of 8 .. nothing to be proud of ... should have gotten 7.5 ...

ANYWAYS , my mum was waxing lyrical on how stupid i was .. haihZ .. Really , this post is of no mere importance .. i'm merely writing this to give away time ..

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MSSD ..

Ah well ..

Just my luck ... wait for me to enter the MSSD chess and then the monthly exams will be on the following week .. wonder-fucking-ful .. Just hope i can make it to the MSSS ..

On the other hand , i FUCKING hate bitches .. lolZ ..

Just very stupid today ..
Tomorrow , Aaron and Ramaraj are planning to train at my house ..
Seriously , i hope they come .. Aaron had better brush up .. stupid idiota .. losing to Wei Mund .. haihZ ..

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Mike Shinoda , one of the best rapper/singer ..

Mike Shinoda ( emcee of Linkin Park )

Mike Shinoda plays acoustic , electric guitar , keyboard and does abit of mixing for LP

Mike Shinoda ...

Jay-Z , Paul McCartney , Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington at the Grammys ..

Slip Out The Back ( Fort Minor -final song of The Rising Tied )

Lyrics to Slip Out The Back :
You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so i could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, i'm trying not to be worthless
Since i last saw you i been lookin for a purpose
Well i met this kid who thought like i did
He had a weird way of lookin at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I dont remember where i met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care
It momentarily cuts off your air, and like you i want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when im saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

Im no hero, you remember how i was, you know
All i ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
Im spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how i hoped it would be
But i had to protect you from me
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time i was around i just bring you down
And i could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why i slipped out the back before you knew i was there
And i know the way i left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think i didnt care

Another of Mike's best rap songs ... With Joe Hahn , superb..

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The Hard Way by Fort Minor [ bonus track of The Rising Tied ]

Come with me
Let me walk in through the world that I currently stay in
You can take a look around and tell me if I’m mistaken
You can even talk to everybody that I live with
Maybe you could tell me why everybody’s so distant
Is it me or maybe, when I look around daily
I don’t even know the people I can put my trust in lately
People that I used to hang with now their actin’ to different
I’m still the same person why doesn’t anybody listen
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I’m losin’ hope

[chorus]
Deafening voices
That frequency inside my head that says
I’m going at it the hard way I focus
Get everything inside out of my brain that claims
I’m going at it the hard way

Come with me
Let me walk in through the world that I currently live in
Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but
Nobody can take the blame for their own mistakes so
What do you do when somebody lets you down
And you wanna say something but you can’t cause their not around
Inside you think they know the extent of the pain
But they won’t even admit that they were the one to blame
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Cause right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I’m losin’ hope

[chorus]
Deafening voices
That frequency inside my head that says
I’m going at it the hard way I focus
Get everything inside out of my brain that claims
I’m going at it the hard way
Voices in my head

Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I’m losin’ hope, give me one reason not to

[chorus]
Deafening voices
That frequency inside my head that says
I’m going at it the hard way I focus
Get everything inside out of my brain that claims
I’m going at it the hard way

One of the best that Mike has ever rapped .. ( don't really favour it because of the singing [ not that i don't like the singing .. someone ruined it ]

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Papercut by Linkin Park [ Hybrid Theory ]

Lyrics to Papercut :
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
Like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)

So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first
But I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but

Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)

So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

The face inside is right beneath your skin (3x)

The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me

The sun
I feel the light betray me
The sun
I feel the light betray me

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

The song which makes me think that Mike Shinoda is and will be one of the greatest rapper any band can have ..

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P5hng Me A*wy by Linkin Park [ Reanimation ]

Lyrics to P5hng Me A*wy :
(feat. Mike Shinoda, Stephen Richards)

When I look into your eyes there’s nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me

Everything has to end
You’ll soon find that we’re out of time left to watch it all unwind
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never froun eventually break down
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find we’re out of time left to watch in all unwind
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down

I’ve lied to you
This is the last smile that I’ll fake for the sake of being with you
Everything falls apart even
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find we’re out of time left to watch it all unwind
The sake of being with you
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me

Even the people who never frown eventually break down

I’ve tried, like you, to do everything you wanted to
This is the last time
That I’ll take the blame for the sake of being with you
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
Everything has to end
You’ll soon find we’re out of time left to watch it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I stay with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me

Reverse psychology is failing miserably
It’s so hard to be left all alone
Telling you is the only chance for me
There is nothing left but to turn and face you
When I look into your eyes there’s nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me
Asking why
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me

Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You’re still so blind to me

My first song that i feel that has made me a different person ..

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No Roads Left ( Mike Shinoda solo ) [ Linkin Park]

Lyrics to No Roads Left :
Standing alone with no direction
How did I fall so far behind?
Why Am I searching for perfection?
Knowing it's something I won't find

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again
All because

[Chorus]
I run
Till the silence splits me open
I run
Till it puts me underground
Till I have no breath
And no roads left but one

When did I lose my sense of purpose?
Can I regain what's lost inside?
Why do I feel like I deserve this?
Why does my pain look like my pride?

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again
All because
I let myself down
In my fear and flaws

[Chorus]
I run
Till the silence splits me open
I run
Till it puts me underground
Till I have no breath
And no roads left but one
No roads left but one

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again
All because

I run
And the silence splits me open
I run
And it puts me underground
But there's no regret
And no roads left to run

I post this to show that even rappers can have nice songs put together .. This is one of Mike's best songs ..

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Moving those massive mountains ..

Lyrics to Moving Mountains :
It's like whatever I say
Ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oh

[Verse 1:]
Now, now she loved me, shawty I loved her.
Used to jump up in the Maybach and roll out.
Used to care, she used to share...
The love that she used to give me can't be found.
I lost my way, she said she'd stay.
And lately I've been sleeping with a ghost!
My stock is down and out, I used to be worth my weight in gold.
That was before the great depression kicked in and rocked us.
And that was before the hurricane, came in and stopped us.
I told you to leave, but you lied to me...
When you said that, baby no worries I promise to get us back.

[Chorus:]
I'm so sorries, just wouldn't do it.
Her heart is obliterated, I'm trying, I'm trying my boo,
But it's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains... hey.
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change...
And the sky turns grey, and the water from the rain washes progress away.
It's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains...

[Hook:]
Why you just leave me?
Just leave me be...
Just leave me, just leave me be...
Why you just leave me?
Just leave me be...
Why you just leave me?
Just leave me be... oh!

[Verse 2:]
She, she don't touch me, I don't touch her.
We really even never say a word.
I really want to give her everything she deserves.
But the bag took away the curve...
She thinks that I'm full of it... arguments, always pissed, man I'm tired...
Every kiss, bed I missed, girl you know I'm trying!
You never believe when I say, and I never believe it when you say...
I love you, and I shouldn't complain about it,
I should take it like a man and walk up out it.
Cause we will never be the same oh!
I've been standing in gas, and you would be the flame!

[Chorus:]
I'm so sorries, just wouldn't do it!
Her heart is obliterated, I'm trying to get through...
Got to move this mountain... yeah.
It's like moving mountains... hey.
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change...
And the sky turns grey, and the water from the rain washes progress away.
It's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains...

[Hook:]
Well baby why you just leave me?
Just leave me be, just leave me...
Just leave me be...
Why you just leave me?
Just leave me be...
Why you just leave me?
Just leave me be... oh!

[Background Singing]

[Chorus:]
I'm so sorries, just wouldn't do it
Her heart is obliterated, I'm trying, I'm trying my boo,
But it's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains... hey.
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change...
And the sky turns grey, and the water from the rain washes progress away.
It's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains...

[Hook:]
Well baby why you just leave me?
Just leave me be, just leave me, just leave me be...
Why you just leave me? Just leave me be...
Why you just leave me? Just leave me be... oh!

Usher's best song for me !!! Was my motivational song before Desperate ( David Archuleta )

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A Little Too Not Over You by David Archuleta

Lyrics .
It never crossed my mind at all.
It's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.
You're better off with someone else.
It's for the best, I know it is.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside,
And I turn around.
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why it's so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you....

Memories, supposed to fade.
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go.
Didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong, movin' on.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside.
And I turn around,
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why it's so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Maybe I regret everything I said,
No way to take it all back, yeah...
Now I'm on my own..
How I let you go, I'll never understand.
I'll never understand, yeah, oohh..
Oohhh, oohhh, oohhhh..
Oohhh, ooohhhh, oohhh. (=.= .. lolZ)

Tell me why it's so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Tell me why it's so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
And I really don't know what to do.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you, oohhh..

Another song that i like from Archuleta .. Relaxing song to listen when i have a horrible day of no-sense stuff in school ..

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Desperate by David Archuleta

Desperate.. Desperate..

You're reachin' out,
And no one hears your cry.
You're freakin' out again
'Cause all your fears remind you.
Another dream has come undone.
You feel so small and lost
Like you're the only one.
You wanna scream,
'Cause you're desperate.

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight.
You want a reason to keep believin'
That some day you're gonna see the light...

You're in the dark;
There's no one left to call.
And sleep's you're only friend,
But even sleep can't hide you
From all those tears and all the pain
And all the days you waste pushin' them away.
It's your life; it's time you face it.

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight.
You want a reason to keep believin'
That some day you're gonna see the light...
'Cause you're desperate, desperate.
'Cause you're desperate now...

You know the things have gotta change.
You can't go back, you find a way.
And day by day, you start to come alive.

You want somebody, just anybody
To bring some peace to your soul tonight.
You want a reason to keep believin'
That some day you're gonna see the light...

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight.
You want a reason to keep believin'
That some day you're gonna see the light...
'Cause you're desperate, desperate.
'Cause you're desperate tonight.
Oh, desperate... So desperate tonight,
Tonight...

Desperate .. Desperate ..

I absolutely love this song !!! Its my motivational song for now ...
Kinda makes me reminisce on all those foolish stuff i did last time ..

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Crappy days ahead

Dear me ...

As the title already emphasizes , crappy days lay ahead of me .. Days and nights of studying , doing homework , sleeping off the pain , oh dear , the horror !!

Still , what must be done must be done ...
SPM is in our minds now ..
And there is still so much to accomplish ..
I am assured a place in the school U-18 chess team .. I just hope Aaron can make it .. I hope i can make it to MSSS again .. with Ramaraj this time if he can pull it off ..

HAihZ ..




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