Envy That Corrupts

Envy. Invidiousness. Is it an obstacle or a manner of motivation? Is it the bane or the remedy? What truly defines envy? Is it the respite we have when we see the more superior? Is it the sense of defeat that ensues when we see one who is more superior? Is it really something that is not good?

Or is it something else?

Is it the motivational spirit to drive us to be better than what we witness? Is it the growing feeling of determination to do things to be more superior than the ones who are more superior than you? Is it a good emotion, this envy?

So many questions. Yet, all of this head towards one answer.

It depends.

While some of us are able to control our envy, some of us cannot. In fact, this envy becomes unbearingly heavy that people tend to do stupid things because of it. But, the question is this. Do we need envy? Do we want the motivational feeling that envy can provide?

I do not need it.

If i want motivation, i will get my motivation by myself. I do not need envy to provide me strength. I will strive by myself.

So, today, i face yet another entity with the hopes that i do not need to face it again.

Envy.

Envy sat on a chair, reading a book. The cover was black, the pages were green in colour. Not your typical book that you would find in bookstores or libraries. Envy had his eyes glued on a single page for two minutes before looking up.

"Good evening to you, Andrew," he said. He paused before smiling, "But,of course, there is neither day nor night in this place. Please, make yourself comfortable." He stood up to draw me a chair. As i sat, he bustled at the tea counter, taking out a cup and filling it with tea. "Earl Grey,if you do not mind,"Envy said,"I'm afraid coffee is not my cup of tea though u might find the tea to be rather good, if i may." I nodded as i sipped on the tea. Glancing around, i noticed shelves of books, all which are covered in black.

"Rather sad,don't you think?" Envy asked gloomily. He waved at the shelves. "These are not mere books. These are collections, compilations of many things. Things which hold an interest for me. Yes, these books are the envy of people. The feeling of envy that is in a human." He walked to a shelf and took a book. Closer observation showed that the book,which was covered in black had their titles written in bright red ink and the spine of the books were made of black onyx. The book he took was titled "Invidiousness".

"The funny thing about being called Envy is that i,myself, do not like the word. I feel as though the word holds no significance. Yet, it is an important human emotion,don't you agree?" Envy sighed as he placed the book on the table.

"Envy is an uneasy feeling. Unlike my brother, Jealousy, whose emotions are human-related only, envy can be forwarded towards many aspects. Which brings us to our discussion today.

What is it that you feel about envy? What is it that makes you uneasy about me?" Envy looked directly at me. I returned the stare as i composed my thoughts. This is not gonna be easy, i thought. I took another sip before i began.

" To most humans, no, to most normal humans, envy is a feeling that forces you to work for something that you feel you should be able to attain. As long as it is attainable by another, envy gives us a 'push' into believing that you yourself are able to attain that thing. I beg to differ in that opinion. Envy 'pushes' us to think that the thing that others have attained would be beneficial for ourselves. A huge percentage of the time, that is untrue. What might seem to be good for some, is poison for others. I have seen people going down that road before, dreaming of achieving something others have, but blinded to other options."

"I hate that,"I continued bluntly, "Envy causes restrictions in our options. Restrictions that we do not seem to realize, in our blindness to achieve something that may have adverse effects on ourselves. While i admit that envy can be a driving force, the side effects and counter forces are too great."

Envy nodded thoughtfully. "Rather like a Pyrrhic victory, is it not?" he asked, " Knowing you and your words; one man's perception is another man's confusion, i must say that this is rather like you."

Taking up his cup of tea, he gazed at the bookshelves that, no matter how long you stare at it, were ominously filled with a darkness that fills the heart with negative feelings. "What you must realize, Andrew, is that envy varies in people. For you, the effect might not be favorable," he said, "Before i continue, though, what is the proof that I am a threat to you? As far as memory serves, there was no case in which envy has taken you before."

As i pondered the question, another voice entered the discussion, answering the question for me. It was HD.

"Prevention is always better than cure. If envy has never taken him before, it is because of the control that he exerts on himself. However, control only last for so long. As long as the problem exists, it is a problem. Personally, I think it is better if there never was a case." HD said. Envy was silent as HD entered the room. Finally, he nodded.

"Yes, weighing both advantage and disadvantage on scale, it is better if there never was a case. But, Andrew, you came here knowing that you can never destroy me. You can only confine me. While, unlike my brother, Anger, you choose not to use me and thus, you want to keep me shackled in the deepest part of your heart. While i have neither the will nor the right to oppose that decision, i shall, as tradition wills it, part with a warning."

The room darkened as the lights dimmed. The true form of Envy, a blackish-green insignia of a rose, shimmered in the dim lights.

Envy is not removed.

It is controlled.

Whether you can keep it, it is up to you.

Whether you can hold it, it is up to you.

Remember.

I am not with you.

I am you.

At last, The One Who Envies has been conquered.

真実と事実

"I put you through hell, yes, but it was a hell you needed to experience. The pain, suffering, death.. all were necessary. I served the purpose of the universe, just as you did. If not for my dark presence, you would never have found the path you were required to travel. People needed devils and dark gods, if only to give them a foe to rally against, an obstacle to overcome. Your people understood that there can be no light without darkness, no good without evil, no triumph without setbacks. You cannot kill me because i am part of all that you are, all you have done and plan to do. You do not have to like me. You can even loathe me. But you must accept me."

That is my new resolution.That is what I will do. Because that is the truth.. and the fact.

CCW

Rage of The Soul

Anger. Hatred. Despise. Resentment. All are connected. Anger creates hatred. Hatred flames despise. Despise leads to resentment. Resentment causes anger. They become a part of human nature. The impatient feeling that is slowly ignited in a human. The destructive force that has supposedly fueled human to advancements and degeneration. And yet, useful it may be, it was something i did not want to have.

I never liked anger. I never liked the fact that the human nature will change the moment anger takes control. Controllable? Yes. Uncontrollable? Even more so. The redness that has always signify anger glows ever so brightly in humans. Frustration. Rage. And if one time is not enough, humans are capable of going berserk for more times than we can imagine.

I resent that.

My resentment does not come from fact that i am angry but more to the sense of regret. I regret the fact that anger brings out the worst in a person. I regret the fact that there are many factors in our surroundings that are capable of catalyzing anger. I regret the fact that anger has caused meaningless deaths.

I regret knowing anger.

I decided that i must eliminate anger from my system. It is not much to the world but it means a lot to me. And so, here i stand in front of my anger with the aim of preventing its control over me.

The first battle begins.

Anger.

Anger stood in front of me. From a normal person's view, they would suspect nothing from his calm face and relaxed posture. However, closer observation shows otherwise. Anger is not only by outlook. One who has enough experience will be able to conceal one's outlook of anger. But not the eyes. The eyes are the only giveaway that a person is angry. The dead, serious eyes that hold no emotion other than anger itself. Eyes that pierce you, showering its target with resent and despise.

Anger.

Anger heaved a sigh as I stood in front of him. "Somehow," he said,"I knew it was only time before you decided to face me." His voice had a touch of resentment as though he had not yet accomplish what he had wanted done. I faced him with determination in my eyes. Determination to see this through. To clarify matters. To settle what needs settling.

"Don't be mistaken, my friend." I paused, composing my mind to find the right words.

"I do not intend to destroy your existence.I do not intend to completely remove you from my existence. All I want is concealment. I want restrain. I have seen what happens when you are set loose. I do not wish to walk that path again."

Anger relaxed his clenched fists. The eyes which had only anger slowly gained something else. Comprehension. Anger had understood me a little. However, this was far from over. The first step has been executed. Time to master anger.

Anger turned its back on me to gaze at the red-orange tinge of the setting sun.

"Anger," he said,"comes whether you like it or not. If it is not frustration, it is indignation. If it is not incurred wrath, it is annoyance. You are right. You cannot destroy me. It is not whether you want to, its that you simply CAN'T. You do not remove anger. You do not dispel wrath completely. You merely restrain it." I nodded.

"But," Anger turned to face me, " What makes you think that you can control me?"

" What sense of pride has clouded you so much that you think you can restrain me?"

"Can you truly deny the rage of your soul? Can you always be the patient person you are known to be? I doubt you can. Sooner or later,you will let me consume you. I have been your wrath all these years. I know what can happen. And yet, you say that you have the strength to deny me. If you do have it, show me." Anger stood in front of me, his form radiating unbearable heat. The ground gave the sense of engulfing flames. This was Anger's ground. Rage. Anger. Frustration. Wrath.

I turned my gaze from Anger to the sky. Even the sky exhibited reddish colours from the flames that now licked the earth. The iridescence of the sky in Anger's world. I smiled and looked at Anger.

"I don't have that strength." Anger's look was incredulous as i said that.

"Like you said, I can't keep you tethered strong enough to prevent you from coming out. Because of that, I make sure that I can rely on someone whenever i feel that i cannot control you."

"And that is why, i'm here." Another voice joined the fray as HD joined us. "I will be the extra restrain that will keep you in check, Anger." Anger looked at HD and laughed.

"I knew something was up but this was against what i had expected. This should be exciting. Very well, Andrew. I'll see just how much you can keep me controlled. Remember your own saying. A chained beast only gets more violent upon its release. As my master, i am obliged to wish you all the best." Anger turned around." But do not forget, there will be times when you need me. Do not hesitate. Do not fall back. Only go on. The flames that are in your soul will be forever be there, never extinguished, ever blazing."

"I will remember that," I replied. Anger smiled.

"The rest are not so easygoing as me. You will need to be more prepared when you face the others. My brothers," he sneered,"some of them are not to my liking."

Anger vanished as he spoke his final sentence. The flames which were burning the ground opened a path forward.

The first battle has ended.

As i left Anger's world, i reflected on what has happened.

Anger is in us, whether we like it or not. Everything,however, ends up with choices. Humans themselves would have to choose and decide. The pieces are already there. What matters is the move that one makes.

For now, The One Who Rages has been mastered.

CCW