Dark Return

Previously, i was in the middle of posting something but failed to conclude it because of the turmoil that was going within myself. I could finish it, but the feeling was not there. I guess, a blog post is something you have to finish within one attempt and not leave it for next time.

I concluded my first semester of Mechanical Engineering in the University of Nottingham Malaysia Campus with a not-too-nicely done semester exam. With a heavy heart, I headed back to Subang Jaya, with hopes that this Chinese New Year would cheer me up(There were other issues left behind in Semenyih but more of that later).

I was wrong.

When I return, a storm had just came and went. I received two shocks which undeniably, were very painstaking. The lesser shock was that two of my friends who were mere friends(i believe the astute term here would be 'friendzone'?) got together whilst I was having my exam. I shall put an end to what I have mentioned on the shock as the bigger shock was far too shocking that it instantly robbed my entire being of being happy to be back in Subang.

It appears that my father has contracted something worse that what he had overcame. The third stage. With modern medication incapable of dealing with the problem, we turn our heads to traditional medication, in the hopes(high hopes) that it works.

And i thought flunking exams would be the biggest worry of my life.

Despair.

Only this word could fit the emotions that swirled in my heart at that time. I was at a friend's house at the moment I received the news. There was nothing else that pained me more than this. I was depressed for two whole days before forcing myself to pick up myself and maintain a calm front. I viewed my options and reached a conclusion.

I have to go on.

There are times in life where one can be sad. This is not one of those times. Not yet at least. And I hope the time for that does not come any time soon. I do not believe in praying but if there is a God, then I pray that for the prolonging of his life. If there is an ounce of hope left, i'm not giving it up. And so does he.

As I close the chapter of that case, not permanently, but just momentarily, I heaved a sigh. Life doesn't go the way you want it to go. There are obstacles around, investments to be made, challenges to be accepted, problems to confront and pain to acknowledge. As long as despair gives me strength, I know I can push forward.

HD is on a hiatus as I take matters into my own hands. Relying too much on one side is not going to make things easier. From now on, I walk alone, with inspiration and help as a catalyst not as my backbone.

CCW

Humans..

I watched his slumped figure as he hurries with his dinner and rushes upstairs. I sat down as I looked at the carnage he escaped from. A woman speaking with logic, annoying logic but containing utter truth that is irrefutable. A man, sitting motionless at the dinner table, bearing a pain, on the road of recovery, but doing little to improve his condition.

I sighed as I left the house. I looked up at the sky and smirked at myself. Such a stereotypical way of starting something. As I continued my perambulation, I paused as I composed my thoughts.

Humans.

The race of humankind cannot be simply categorized into groups. It is a race filled with ignorant, foolish people who do not put their weight on what is right, but instead, what suits them more. They punctuate their pain with grunts, anger with grumbles, despair with sighs. Nothing more, nothing less. Only those with minds of higher intellect would step forward to share their problems.

'A problem shared is a problem halved'

When humankind came up with that phrase, I would assume that they would at least try to abide to it, despite the obvious flaw in it. Unfortunately, a phrase is ultimately, just a phrase. Not everyone has the initiative to do so. They cover their implications with utter silence. They keep the problems to themselves. They bear the weight of their pain by themselves, never realizing what family...and friends can do for them.

I stopped at the big hypermarket that was erected grandly a few years back. People stream in and out of it, carrying goods, their pockets lighter. I looked at the faces of the people. I see happiness, emptiness, despair, even pain. Humans are indeed a peculiar kind. They shield themselves behind a facade of lies, comforting themselves ineffectively, never understanding the true meaning of recovery.

I carried on my night stroll.

I stopped at a field where I see a mosque and a secondary school. The school which educated many students, many of which have become successful. The school also has its dark history. Its history of delinquents, but for its worth, stood proud because it has found the solution to its problems. What about the other people that I've come across? Most of them have secrets and problems kept within them, unbeknownst to their family members and friends. To what end would they carry on this shade?

I notice an elderly man, walking leisurely in the neighbourhood. His face was calm, full of serenity. As we passed each other, I could see that despite the calm outlook, there was deep pain in his soul. I do not know what has transpired but it is this sort of facade that the humans have in their daily life.

Humans are not totally foolish and ignorant. They improve in time. For better or for worse, it is not the case. It is the determination that makes humans live on. Until Death meets them, they strive on, never giving up, struggling for whats worth.

And that is why I stand by humans.

HD