Or is it something else?
Is it the motivational spirit to drive us to be better than what we witness? Is it the growing feeling of determination to do things to be more superior than the ones who are more superior than you? Is it a good emotion, this envy?
So many questions. Yet, all of this head towards one answer.
It depends.
While some of us are able to control our envy, some of us cannot. In fact, this envy becomes unbearingly heavy that people tend to do stupid things because of it. But, the question is this. Do we need envy? Do we want the motivational feeling that envy can provide?
I do not need it.
If i want motivation, i will get my motivation by myself. I do not need envy to provide me strength. I will strive by myself.
So, today, i face yet another entity with the hopes that i do not need to face it again.
Envy.
Envy sat on a chair, reading a book. The cover was black, the pages were green in colour. Not your typical book that you would find in bookstores or libraries. Envy had his eyes glued on a single page for two minutes before looking up.
"Good evening to you, Andrew," he said. He paused before smiling, "But,of course, there is neither day nor night in this place. Please, make yourself comfortable." He stood up to draw me a chair. As i sat, he bustled at the tea counter, taking out a cup and filling it with tea. "Earl Grey,if you do not mind,"Envy said,"I'm afraid coffee is not my cup of tea though u might find the tea to be rather good, if i may." I nodded as i sipped on the tea. Glancing around, i noticed shelves of books, all which are covered in black.
"Rather sad,don't you think?" Envy asked gloomily. He waved at the shelves. "These are not mere books. These are collections, compilations of many things. Things which hold an interest for me. Yes, these books are the envy of people. The feeling of envy that is in a human." He walked to a shelf and took a book. Closer observation showed that the book,which was covered in black had their titles written in bright red ink and the spine of the books were made of black onyx. The book he took was titled "Invidiousness".
"The funny thing about being called Envy is that i,myself, do not like the word. I feel as though the word holds no significance. Yet, it is an important human emotion,don't you agree?" Envy sighed as he placed the book on the table.
"Envy is an uneasy feeling. Unlike my brother, Jealousy, whose emotions are human-related only, envy can be forwarded towards many aspects. Which brings us to our discussion today.
What is it that you feel about envy? What is it that makes you uneasy about me?" Envy looked directly at me. I returned the stare as i composed my thoughts. This is not gonna be easy, i thought. I took another sip before i began.
" To most humans, no, to most normal humans, envy is a feeling that forces you to work for something that you feel you should be able to attain. As long as it is attainable by another, envy gives us a 'push' into believing that you yourself are able to attain that thing. I beg to differ in that opinion. Envy 'pushes' us to think that the thing that others have attained would be beneficial for ourselves. A huge percentage of the time, that is untrue. What might seem to be good for some, is poison for others. I have seen people going down that road before, dreaming of achieving something others have, but blinded to other options."
"I hate that,"I continued bluntly, "Envy causes restrictions in our options. Restrictions that we do not seem to realize, in our blindness to achieve something that may have adverse effects on ourselves. While i admit that envy can be a driving force, the side effects and counter forces are too great."
Envy nodded thoughtfully. "Rather like a Pyrrhic victory, is it not?" he asked, " Knowing you and your words; one man's perception is another man's confusion, i must say that this is rather like you."
Taking up his cup of tea, he gazed at the bookshelves that, no matter how long you stare at it, were ominously filled with a darkness that fills the heart with negative feelings. "What you must realize, Andrew, is that envy varies in people. For you, the effect might not be favorable," he said, "Before i continue, though, what is the proof that I am a threat to you? As far as memory serves, there was no case in which envy has taken you before."
As i pondered the question, another voice entered the discussion, answering the question for me. It was HD.
"Prevention is always better than cure. If envy has never taken him before, it is because of the control that he exerts on himself. However, control only last for so long. As long as the problem exists, it is a problem. Personally, I think it is better if there never was a case." HD said. Envy was silent as HD entered the room. Finally, he nodded.
"Yes, weighing both advantage and disadvantage on scale, it is better if there never was a case. But, Andrew, you came here knowing that you can never destroy me. You can only confine me. While, unlike my brother, Anger, you choose not to use me and thus, you want to keep me shackled in the deepest part of your heart. While i have neither the will nor the right to oppose that decision, i shall, as tradition wills it, part with a warning."
The room darkened as the lights dimmed. The true form of Envy, a blackish-green insignia of a rose, shimmered in the dim lights.
Envy is not removed.
It is controlled.
Whether you can keep it, it is up to you.
Whether you can hold it, it is up to you.
Remember.
I am not with you.
I am you.
At last, The One Who Envies has been conquered.
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