Reconstruction

I stood in the deserted graveyard, next to the broken gravestones that signified the return from my death. I cast a gloomy eye at the remains of the graveyard. Here lies the past, the present and the future. That which has been the breaking of my spirit and the rebuilding of the heart. This was where i reconstruct.

I glanced at the moss-filled tombstones that litter the ground. Two of them caught my eye as it was not ones which were there before.

They read;

Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing but to turn it into glory

Perseverance At the end of every challenge is the beginning of something new

"Found it haven't ya?" a voice said from behind.

I nodded without turning around. "Funny the way you decided to etch the message in my head."I said as HD stood beside me.

HD smirked and said, "What better way of reminding than having it etched here where i was sure you would visit again. This was your origin after all. I was certain that you would visit this place after your reawakening."

Again, i nodded.

This was the very place that sense had been forced into me. The place where i discovered my reason for existence. The place where i regained my reason and logic. The place where he was formed.

This is me building back from where i dropped. Picking up the pieces of my life that i had left when i died. This is the first stepping stone. The one step forward.

The reconstruction.

CCW

Something deep..

The past is there for you to remember your efforts,

The present is there for you to know and take comfort,

The future is there for you to wonder what's coming,

You are here to know exactly why you're standing.

HD

The Death and the Return

(Crooning)

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface,

Consuming, Confusing,

This lack of self control i feel is never ending,

Controlling, I can't seem

to find myself again..my walls are closing in...

I felt this way before, so insecure..

(harmonizing)

Crawling in my skin , these wounds they will not heal,

Fear is h0w i fall, Confusing what is real...

Crawling- Linkin Park

Yes, the title is true..

I died again.. and yet, i returned again..

...

.....

It's a metaphor, idiots..

As i lay on my deathbed, i compose my epitaph..

" Here lies a person who tried his best but just couldn't give his best.. He dies here in honor and also serve a reminder to the world.. It is not what one can do or what one should do, but what one must do that sets the system in motion"

And as i close my eyes for the journey beyond, i'm stopped by another voice that has been with me since i was 15.

"Is this really how you want it to end?"

I sighed.

I feel broken, dispirited, lost and painstakingly annoyed with world that i live in, i thought. If i could die and relieve the stress, wouldn't it be better?

The voice chuckled as though he had read my mind.

"You have a long way to go. Mistakes, what of it? Depression, what of it? Pain, what of it? You really think that dying can save you from the misery that you have casted on yourself? Look at you. When i first met you, you were a reasonable person, pertaining to reasoning, logic and sometimes pure instinct when your heart tells you so. Even then, you always chose the right path. Where is that person now? Look at what you have become. Just because of mistakes, you falter. Just because of unbearing pain, you stop."

I listened to the voice and i realized that what he said was true.

Yes, I have made mistakes, more mistakes than normal people my age would have made.

Yes, I piled misery on myself,but wasn't that because i was the bearer of pain?

Yes, I have been pained over and over again but as he said,

"So what?"

Because of the burden that became heavier and heavier, a single mistake caused me to think irrationally. I have forgotten the essentials, the reason as to why I, who have been burdened, have lived on and survived till today. I have forgotten myself. The reason of my existence.

My eyes which have been gaunt and haunted,regained a bit of my former self.

But, the pain was still there. The suffering that i had inflicted on myself, still showed in the wounds of my heart. I still felt dispirited.

"You are not alone in this matter. Your mistakes are mine as well. We were both at fault at what happened. But i have already told you. So what of the mistakes? Mistakes are made to be reflected not regretted. I cannot allow you to wallow in the pain anymore. I will draw out the very source of your despair. Let me be your vanguard.. your chevalier. You, the one who revels in despair and sorrow, will return again to face the cruel world that you live in...and i'll be there to bear the pain and the agony as you face it.."

My life flashed through my eyes as i realized what i have become.

A wretch..i had become inhuman.. lost without reason.. and he brought me back..

I died.. and returned once again, to show that i can.. that i will..that i shall forever be..Master of Sorrow..

"If there is no sorrow, then be sorrow. If there is no justice,then be justice. If there is no pain, then be the pain.. If there is no one, then remember me. I am the pain of your wounds, the stress in your veins, the suffering of your plight,and the rage in your heart. If it comes to the end, I'll be there to crush down whoever's in your way.. You are who you are. I am who I am and who you are.I am the heart of your soul."

As his words rang in my ears, i picked myself up. It's not the time to die yet. There are things to do. I'll bear the burden i have and i'll crush those in my way. That is who i have always been. The voice that spoke to me heaved a sigh.

" Really had to reel you in on this one. Now,its time to bring the rain, to kill and be insane,to-"

"relish and bear the pain," i cut in, "Thanks for the wake up call. I feel awake now. Time to set the system running, shall we?"

The voice laughed.

"Let's roll,"

I left the empty graveyard, leaving behind the broken pieces of my death. This is only the beginning. There are many things that i have to do.

Through the rain and through shine,

Nothing's stopping me from taking what's mine,

Get in my way, and we'll crush you,
Everything for the sake of a dream to come true.

CCW

Smoke and kill.. Books and will

I drove to college on a cold morning at 6.45. It had been raining the previous night. I parked my car just a few meters away from college and sighed as I got out. Today was going to be just another day. Nothing ever changes in the way i run my life. Nothing new as always. I opened the front portion of my bag and took out a cigarette. Kent, i thought. " Dude, you gotta be kidding me," I muttered as i lighted the cigarette. I stood there staring into space, puffing away and wondering.. whether i should have a change..

"Why think when you can make it happen?" a voice spoke. I snapped out of my reverie and turned around. HD stood on the other side of my car, looking at me with that serious look he has sometimes. "Mornin'" I muttered,"Hard to change if there isn't anything there for change.."

"Tch"

HD shook his head. "Look at you.. I gotta admit, I'm surprised that you actually tried smoking. And here's the one who said that smoking kills." I laughed as he said that. "True," I admitted, "But of course, that much has changed isn't it?" HD gave a short laugh before becoming serious again. "I heard the problem at home.. You okay with it?" he asked. I lowered my cigarette and stared at him. "Hard to keep secrets from you isn't it?" I asked. I stared at the cars before giving my answer.

"Yeah, its cool. Ain't got the trouble to care about that.."

HD nodded. "Good," he said, "At least this time, i don't have to step in and clear your head." "Yea," I muttered,"I've got other stuff to handle.. what with my exams coming up and I still haven't finished studying through yet." "Hmmph," HD turned and walk away.

"Oh yea," he turned, " You do know it kills, don't ya? You sure you ain't gonna get addicted to it?"

I took a puff before meeting his gaze.

"Just how long have you been knowing me?"

"Just who do you think I am?"

CCW

Of Equatorial and new material

Its a bit late to be posting this but i might as well get on with it.

For the first time since the formation of Seafield's Da BL3EPZ, they have been invited to perform for someone not related to academic. Da BL3EPZ were invited to perform for the alumni dinner of Johnson's and Johnson's ex-employers and employees.

Now, this hip-hop group has been slowing regaining themselves from the disastrous performance they put up for the Leo IU the previous year. Now, with Double A and CCW in college and A.RON in Form Six, they return this year with a determination to erase the errors done previously. Starting an ecstatic performance in Taylor's Acoustic Night and then a rather abysmal performance for Taylor's Leo Installation, this invitation to perform in the Alumni dinner was like a wake up call.

Despite missing Double A, who could not make it, Da BL3EPZ made sure it was a trinity by bringing in another beatboxer/ex-classmate, Ram. A.RON, Ram and CCW. Together, they performed in the dinner themed "Friends for Life" under the name Da BL3EPZ Ext3nded, signifying the new change of the group.

And when i say new material, i really mean new material. The group managed to make a good cover of the Bill Withers song, Lean On Me, with Ram on the beats and CCW and A.RON on vocals. With that, Da BL3EPZ brings in a new style into the way they perform and also a new member as Ram becomes a member of Da BL3EPZ.

What else can Da BL3EPZ offer in times to come? Only time can tell.

HD

The One I Fear And Revere..

Yami.. Subete no iro wa tada kuro to aka... Nanimo henko.. Mainichi wa onaji..

(Darkness.. All the colours were just black and red... Nothing changes.. Everyday was just the same..)

That was what i thought of the world as i fell into the darkness. I was helpless to avoid it. I can't change the mistake i have done.

But you can change it.

I was left stranded and shuddering in the cold. Alone. In the darkness.

You are not alone.

In the mist of the blackness that began to engulf me, i could hear a voice. It must be my imagination.

Accept me. Let me be the one to burden the guilt.

I could hear it again. Who was it? I looked down at my bloodstained hands; the blood was still fresh. It wasn't my blood. Whose was it? I don't recall anything.

Accept me. Accept my existence.

Who is it?

Let me be your chevalier.

The voice is calling to me. But what is it?

I am your wrath, anger and hatred.

Is that all?

I am your negative just as you are my positive. Accept yourself. Accept my existence.

Ah. I remember. I gave away a part of my emotions. The negative side of me. I gave it an existence. An existence by the name of He-

Yes. That is who i am. Now, accept me.

Yes. I will.

Very well. I will be the one to bring you out of the darkness. I will free your soul of guilt. I will be your guilt. I am your blade when you need it. My name is-

I remember it now. He is the one i fear and revere. The ultimately superior form of me. The one who will be the final me standing. The one i created in my wish to be two separate existences. His name is ...

HD.

CCW

Back ...

After a long while, I'm back.

Yes.

My first post after what seems to be a very long period of time. Of course, its not that i do not have the time. Its just that there are other things that i intend to do instead of writing in my blog. I'm finally starting to feel the strain in my A-levels course. Whether or not, i can withstand the pressure, well, I'm still surviving..to say the least.

With Further Mathematics finally in my timetable, my leisure time for Maths just went down the drain. Even Nicholas and Heng Shuh Peih, the two ultimately superior students in my class, are finding it hard to cope. How then, shall i cope?

Yes, i do admit that by saying Further Maths is easy previously, i'm delusioning myself on the prospects of an easy life.

How pathetically wrong i am.

I do not feel the same strain with the other subjects, that i am thankful. That DOES NOT mean that i am taking the other subjects lightly. I am moving forward, yes, but it will take a millenia before i can actually say that the A-level subjects are easy. Hard? no. Complicating? yes.

I still hold on to the statement i made not too long ago that Further Maths is NOT hard. It is complicating and stressful but to use the word "hard" or "difficult" would be too harsh.

But, seriously, college life is taking its toll on me.

Heck, I can't even keep in contact with any of my old friends. The only old friends that i do keep in contact with is Alex and Ramaraj. This clearly shows how college life has made me separated.

But, hell, I got new friends and new adversaries so i guess that's how life goes on. I still have an article which i intend to post here in the near future. But more of that on another time.

I should probably buck up in my college studies.. Maybe its high time i let him run loose, shall I?

What's gone is gone. But what's not found can still be unearth as long as we will it to be.

CCW