The Death and the Return

(Crooning)

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface,

Consuming, Confusing,

This lack of self control i feel is never ending,

Controlling, I can't seem

to find myself again..my walls are closing in...

I felt this way before, so insecure..

(harmonizing)

Crawling in my skin , these wounds they will not heal,

Fear is h0w i fall, Confusing what is real...

Crawling- Linkin Park

Yes, the title is true..

I died again.. and yet, i returned again..

...

.....

It's a metaphor, idiots..

As i lay on my deathbed, i compose my epitaph..

" Here lies a person who tried his best but just couldn't give his best.. He dies here in honor and also serve a reminder to the world.. It is not what one can do or what one should do, but what one must do that sets the system in motion"

And as i close my eyes for the journey beyond, i'm stopped by another voice that has been with me since i was 15.

"Is this really how you want it to end?"

I sighed.

I feel broken, dispirited, lost and painstakingly annoyed with world that i live in, i thought. If i could die and relieve the stress, wouldn't it be better?

The voice chuckled as though he had read my mind.

"You have a long way to go. Mistakes, what of it? Depression, what of it? Pain, what of it? You really think that dying can save you from the misery that you have casted on yourself? Look at you. When i first met you, you were a reasonable person, pertaining to reasoning, logic and sometimes pure instinct when your heart tells you so. Even then, you always chose the right path. Where is that person now? Look at what you have become. Just because of mistakes, you falter. Just because of unbearing pain, you stop."

I listened to the voice and i realized that what he said was true.

Yes, I have made mistakes, more mistakes than normal people my age would have made.

Yes, I piled misery on myself,but wasn't that because i was the bearer of pain?

Yes, I have been pained over and over again but as he said,

"So what?"

Because of the burden that became heavier and heavier, a single mistake caused me to think irrationally. I have forgotten the essentials, the reason as to why I, who have been burdened, have lived on and survived till today. I have forgotten myself. The reason of my existence.

My eyes which have been gaunt and haunted,regained a bit of my former self.

But, the pain was still there. The suffering that i had inflicted on myself, still showed in the wounds of my heart. I still felt dispirited.

"You are not alone in this matter. Your mistakes are mine as well. We were both at fault at what happened. But i have already told you. So what of the mistakes? Mistakes are made to be reflected not regretted. I cannot allow you to wallow in the pain anymore. I will draw out the very source of your despair. Let me be your vanguard.. your chevalier. You, the one who revels in despair and sorrow, will return again to face the cruel world that you live in...and i'll be there to bear the pain and the agony as you face it.."

My life flashed through my eyes as i realized what i have become.

A wretch..i had become inhuman.. lost without reason.. and he brought me back..

I died.. and returned once again, to show that i can.. that i will..that i shall forever be..Master of Sorrow..

"If there is no sorrow, then be sorrow. If there is no justice,then be justice. If there is no pain, then be the pain.. If there is no one, then remember me. I am the pain of your wounds, the stress in your veins, the suffering of your plight,and the rage in your heart. If it comes to the end, I'll be there to crush down whoever's in your way.. You are who you are. I am who I am and who you are.I am the heart of your soul."

As his words rang in my ears, i picked myself up. It's not the time to die yet. There are things to do. I'll bear the burden i have and i'll crush those in my way. That is who i have always been. The voice that spoke to me heaved a sigh.

" Really had to reel you in on this one. Now,its time to bring the rain, to kill and be insane,to-"

"relish and bear the pain," i cut in, "Thanks for the wake up call. I feel awake now. Time to set the system running, shall we?"

The voice laughed.

"Let's roll,"

I left the empty graveyard, leaving behind the broken pieces of my death. This is only the beginning. There are many things that i have to do.

Through the rain and through shine,

Nothing's stopping me from taking what's mine,

Get in my way, and we'll crush you,
Everything for the sake of a dream to come true.

CCW