Thursday, April 8, 2010

Broken Memory

Ten years has gone and passed. That which has happened about a decade ago, still burned freshly in my memories. The scene that remains etched in my mind, even if I were to brainwash myself a thousand times. I still remember that faithful day when a life was ripped away from the surface of the Earth. I remembered the agony that flowed in my veins, the horrible feeling in my gut, the wrenching pain that slowly erupted as I gazed upon the still body of the person that I cared about. My own bloodline, my sister, lay dead on the floor, murdered. At that moment, I could not only feel pain.

I felt anger. Frustration boiling inside of me. I recalled the laughter of the murderer as he looked down on me. I can still smell the scent of her blood from the fatal wound he gave her. I remembered hearing a roar of rage released from my mouth. I remembered nothing else after that. When I came to my senses, it was to find the murderer’s blood on my hands and the murderer lying next to me, lifeless. I remembered the sirens of the police car, recalled the yell of agony that came out of me, noticed that I was being handcuffed and finally came back to my original self in jail. For two days and nights, I wept and screamed in frustration.

That was the ordeal at that time. For two years I was in jail, awaiting the death sentence that I knew was bound to be given out. None came. I was acquitted due to the lack of solid evidence. The murderer was dead. My sister was killed. I survived it. Survivor’s guilt was all I had in me. When I was released, I wasted myself in the pub, drinking and getting drunk. That prolonged for a couple of months. I went into depression. I smoked and took drugs to relieve the pain. Part of me knew that all of this was wrong. That it was a stupid irrational thing to do. I shut myself out of reality and entered my own fantasy. Finally, I did the worst thing a human with a life can do.

I decided to commit suicide.

I was lying in bed for the whole day after recovering from a hangover the previous night when the thought came to me. It was better to end my life, I thought. I have nothing else in this world except her. She was my beloved sister, the one I sworn to protect. Now, she was gone. Taken away from me. I held a knife to my wrist. This was how I was going to end my miserable, pathetic life. The knife was mere millimeters from my wrist when I caught sight of a picture of her. I stopped and gazed at the picture of my sister. Her smiling face with my naturally frowning face beside. The knife fell from my hand as the life flooded back into my eyes. With shaking hands, I removed the picture from the frame. I choked as tears welled in my eyes. With the picture pressed on my chest, I uttered a single word before the tears became too much to bear.

“Zoey…,”

No matter what has happened, I had survived the incident. The picture became my source of inspiration. I picked myself up from the ground. I vowed to live so that I was the proof that she had lived. I started a new leaf. I got a job in a musical instruments shop as a cashier. From then on, I learnt to play the piano. Every piano piece I created was in her memory. Zoey loved to play the piano when she lived. The melody of the piano was a usual in our house. I would be beside her as she played the piano, encouraging her but never to play the piano myself.

The shop owner was aware of my predicament and was kind to me. He allowed me time to practice the piano and even thought me himself. I was lucky though I did not really felt that way. Eventually, I rose out of my shell and began to be my past self before the incident. I regained my friends and lived a normal life. The way everything should be.

Now, ten years has passed. I was my normal self again. However, I still smoked once every now and then to relieve the pain of recalling that incident. I became a piano professional, creating piano plays and my own songs but never making it big. The shop owner who had helped me before was always there to aid me. He was like a father to me. Zoey and I stayed by ourselves after our parents met their end in an accident when we were very young. We still managed somehow, thankfully because we had enough money to support us.

Ten years passed after the incident. I was supposed to be meeting a pianist who wanted to collaborate with me on an album. As I sat in the coffee shop which Zoey and I frequent, I could not help remembering the times we used to eat in the shop. Her radiant face as she laughed at my jokes. Her dimpled cheeks as she smiled. Her eyes which practically shone all the time. I smiled as I went on that nostalgic trip. And then, I saw her.

She was around the same height as Zoey was. Her smile was wide and she had dimpled cheeks. She saw me and sat opposite me. My eyes were wide with shock as I gazed at the person opposite me as though I had seen a ghost. She looked questioningly at my stunned face and laughed.

“ Seen a ghost or something scary? You look funny. You must be Andy Chan. Nice to meet you. My name is Zoey Lim, the pianist who wished to collaborate with you.”

The End.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Update in Life

*Sighs*

Nothing really goes really well in college , eh?
At least , as far as how i see it in Andrew . He is still coping with the workload and the lifestyle of it . Of course , its only March and the pressure may not be as high as it is ..

Still ..

The fact remains ..

He cannot survive it alone .

He may try to hang in there . Doing things alone . Trying to handle the oversized problems that greatly overweighs him .

He will fail .

But of course , it will be a problem if my partner decides to croak . There is much for him .. for us to do . Currently , the only problem i see in college is the homework . Not problems in quantity but he faces a problem in the quality of the work .

College .. is different from school . In school , the examples are clear . The examples can lead you straight to the answer and only deviates a bit . In college , the level is incomparable to the school's homework . They do give you examples , but the examples will never lead you straight on .

Intellect does that .

You would have to think differently . Think outside the box . Think logically with the right amount of common sense .

Which Andrew lacks .

He lacks common sense . His basis of thinking is that of theory . His thoughts fail to redirect themselves if he encounters a problem in which the answer is not as it seems .

But whatever he lacks , i cover .
Thats the reason for my existence .
The only vision in my life . The mission i entrust upon myself .

HD

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

KL Car VS Singapore Car


Singaporean no match for the rest

The Johor MSA mini , the first of the 4 MSA mini tournaments , ended in a blast on the 22nd of March . Held a week after the Lim Boon Heng Cup in Singapore , a total number of 12 participants were present for this event . The somewhat diminished number of participants did not prevent the event from being a very exciting one .

In the intermediate category , 4 players from the English College of Johor , famously known for producing skilled Scrabble players such as Ching San Song , Ian Tay and Brian Lim , slugged it out in a 6 match challenge with Benjamin Choo emerging as the champion while Haren Mohanraj was the runner-up . Each of the intermediate players won some cash for their participation in the tournament .

The focus , however , was in the Masters category where 5 Malaysians and 3 Singaporeans battle it out for first place . The Malaysians ; veterans Tan Jin Chor and Jocelyn Lor , recent CNY champ Alex Tan as well as up and coming youth players Ramaraj Sundraraj and Chang Ching Wei were all able players and were a on par with the Singaporeans who came ; Ricky Purnomo , Tony Sim and Shim Yen Nee . All the Malaysians hailed from Kuala Lumpur , making this tourney a KL car vs Singapore car match . This was due to the fact that all the Malaysians went back in the same car while the Singaporeans came and went back in another car . After a grueling 15 games , Ricky Purnomo of Singapore managed to brush aside the other players to win the tournament with an eye-popping 13 wins and +1104 spread . Ricky only dropped two games in the first day , losing to fellow Singaporean Tony Sim and Malaysia’s Chang Ching Wei .

The 15 games were played in two round robins and a KOTH final pair-up . This was a good format as it enabled each player to play with every participant twice , giving them the pleasure of exacting revenge or just to enjoy another game with one another . On the first day , 10 games were played so that the players would be able to return home earlier on the next day . Ricky Purnomo dropped two games on the first day but still ended up on first place after the first day . He was closely followed by Tony Sim and Tan Jin Chor , each on 6 wins . It was a bad day for Chang Ching Wei as he only won two out of the ten games played ( winning against Ricky and Ramaraj ) despite putting up a creditable display in the CNY tournament a mere month ago .

The second day saw mixed fortunes for the players . Ricky Purnomo , still on his excellent form , produced a superb performance to win the last 5 games . Tan Jin Chor , who was just behind Ricky , dropped 3 games but still managed to hold on for second place . It was the battle for third place that was exciting . Tony Sim was clearly on his way to clinch the place as long as he did not lose to Jocelyn by more than 163 points in the last game . Alas , it was an unlucky game as he stumbled to a 188 points lose to Jocelyn , ultimately giving Jocelyn the third place . A post mortem on the game showed that he could have lost by less had he played a lesser point move to go out in two rather than being caught with tiles himself .

Chang Ching Wei , sore from his dismal performance on the first day stringed four wins in a row to pit himself against Alex Tan in the KOTH round . It was as though history repeated itself . Chang Ching Wei opted not to challenge Alex Tan’s move of ABYED [ phoney] but instead challenged ILKA , a valid word , resulting in his lose by six points . Even his 107 point move of VERIFIED did not help to earn his fifth win in a row . On another table , Ramaraj , having lost all his games before the 15th game , played a niner DISASTER but it was not enough to prevent the disaster of losing to Yen Nee . Other notable plays were ZOOGLEA , DIOCESAN , PYRANOSE , QUASARS , AMEERATES and FORAMINAL .

For his efforts , Ricky Purnomo pocketed RM 300 while Jin Chor and Jocelyn each took home RM200 and RM100 respectively . All in all , a good job by the organizer , Othman Zakaria in making the Johor MSA Mini an exciting tournament . The next tournament in the Malaysian schedule will be the MSA Mini 2 , held in Berjaya Times Square . For further inquiries , you can contact K.Sundraraj at 012-3661555 .

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Result

I trudged to the front , my face impassive as the teacher passed my result slip to me . My heart was beating furiously . There were more than enough butterflies in my stomach to last me for an eternity . Out of the corner of my eye , i glimpsed the many anxious faces , the many happy and sad faces alike . Lastly , i spotted HD outside the hall , giving me the support i need . I looked at my result slip .

BM - A
BI - A+
Sejarah - A+
Mathematics - A+
Moral - A+
Additional Mathematics - A+
Prinsip Perakaunan - A+
Physics - A
Chemistry - A+
Biology - A
EST - A+

My heart skipped a beat . I looked at the results again . A sense of euphoria was erupting in me . I yelled with joy as i clutched the slip to my chest as though it meant the world to me . Friends all around me were congratulating me . Their voices seem a bit distant . Finally , i went outside to where HD was .

He smiled as he looked at the results . " Good job ," he said ," Better than expected , don't you think ? " I could only grin as we shook hands . " This is all thanks to you , man , " I said " I wouldn't have been able to do it if you weren't there . " HD waved the thanks away . " All i did was gave you some suggestions , that's all . It was you yourself who made it happen ," he said . I acknowledged his words as i went back to the hall . " The next one to overcome would be the A-Levels examinations ," I said " You with me? " . HD laughed as he walked away .

" Where else can i obtain as much fun as this ? Count me in . " he said before vanishing into the crowd . I smiled as i walked back into the hall . The world seemed lighter as though the pressure had miraculously disappeared . The results has been obtained . I have done my best . But the work has no end .

There will be others .

But on this faithful day of 11 March 2010 , let's just forgo that work and have fun ..

CCW

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Coming ..

" It's finally here , huh ? " HD said as he walked towards me . I nodded my head in acknowledgement as i stared at the night sky . " It's finally here, " I muttered " The time when the path of my life will be carved in stone , when dreams become reality , where I will be standing in between the forked paths , finally deciding on the path which i would want to take . "

" All of this , on a single paper , " HD smirked , " Three years ago , i would be indifferent to this . Now , i understand the emotion in what you humans know as anxiety . Your hands are shaking , your perspiration gradually increases , the heart beats faster , you wait in anticipation . All of this , for a slip of paper . " I smiled as he delivered that statement . " Obviously , you who never feels anxious , knows nothing about that particular emotion . " I said . HD laughed . " Even so , " his tone picking a more serious tone " What would you do if you did not achieve what you want to achieve ? " I looked sideways at him and was surprised to see a serious face . " Hmph , whatever comes , comes . And i will take whatever is in store for me . " I said .

HD clasped my left shoulder with his hand . " As long as you can handle it , then i have nothing to worry about . Just remember , your suffering is mine too . If you feel that you can't hold it back , you know what to do . " I nodded as he turned to walk away . " Remember, Andrew , " HD turned back as he said " You don't judge a person by the strength he shows , you judge him by the amount of strength in which he can handle . " He walked away and i stared at him until the night darkness totally engulfs him .

I sighed as i continued my empty gaze . Time to set things straight , once .. and for all .

Can i do it ?
Am i ready ?
Do i believe ?

Yes .

CCW

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Home

I sat in front of one of the many computers in the library , slowly finishing my assignment and proceeding to finish the rest of my homework . I took a glimpse at my watch on my left wrist . The watch showed 5.00 p.m .

" Another one and a half hours , huh ? " I murmured . My transport is only available at 6.30 so i had almost two hours more before going back . I sighed and continued my work , finishing it within half an hours time . I laid back on the chair and gazed at my surroundings . I see people typing out their assignments in the computers , i see people surfing the net . I see people reading books . At last , my eyes fell on HD who appeared beside me .

" Not going back yet ? " he asked . I shook my head . " Transport's coming in an hour's time , " I said . HD nodded . " Pity about this , huh ? " he said , " I'll be around for awhile . This college intrigues me since its my first time entering the compound . You mind ? " I nodded my head . " The college is yours to view . And in regards to your first sentence , no , it isn't much of a pity , really . "

" I just don't wanna go home so early ."

HD looked at me , a frown on his face . " Problems? " he asked , " Nothing big , i hope ? " . I shook my head . " Nothing much . Its just that i hate going home and having to listen to all the grumbling and mumbling that they dish out . " HD smiled . " It's part of living in this world , ya know ? " He turned serious . " You gotta know that even if you are tolerant enough , other people aren't . " I turned to the computer screen and sighed . " Yea , I know .. "

" You might have given away your anger , your impatience and your sloth . But , remember , other people don't share the same things as you . " HD said , " Bear that in mind . And carry it well . " I nodded . " Thanks ."

HD nodded . " Don't worry too much about it . I'm here to help , as i have always been . If things get too nasty for you , you know what you need to do . " He grinned that trademark wicked grin he has . I laughed briefly , the joy which never reached the cold , calm eyes that i have gotten used to having .

HD started walking away . " You are one of the roots to that tree you strive so hard to keep intact . Don't topple it down now . I still wanna see it . " He walked out of the library , leaving me with much to think about .

CCW

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Bearer of His Nature

Everyone feels pain . Everyone feels guilt . Everyone feels the emotions that GOD has provided us . Happiness , joy , pain , guilt , suffering , avarice , wrath , lust , envy , jealousy , sloth , pride , gluttony , despair , hope , vainglory . So many more . Everyone in this world feels each and every one of them in their veins . In their blood .

Not me .

I chose to omit the several emotions that i have in me . I vowed never to let all the emotions engulf me and make me into a monster . I vowed to bear them all , by sealing a part of them in a being i created . That being will bear my sins . That being will know all my sins . That being will be my sin .

He is the other part of me which few have seen . He is the part that lays within me , that takes the negative forces , leaving me with only the positive . Unless , i chose not to part with the negative force in question . I gave him my anger , my sloth , my gluttony , my envy , my jealousy , my pain , my guilt . Most of all , i gave him my greed . I chose to retain my despair with me . I thought that having despair reminds me that i am still human . That an angry beast can't stay chained forever . I kept my sins in this being i created . Each sin i present to him comes with a cost . Each pain and suffering that he receives results in a repayment in despair .

I kept my pride , knowing that i am no one without it . I kept my happiness , just to go on with the day . I kept my instincts , because there are times when you need them . I kept my hope , because i longed for a change . Finally , i kept my wrath , in order to unleash the deadly sins i kept in my other being .

" I am the pain of his wounds, the stress in his veins, the suffering of his plight,and his rage in his heart"
" I am the shadow that lives in the place of light . I am the light in the darkness . I am the bearer of his deadly nature ."

CCW